mandye9177's Journal

days like today make me realize how much i hate holidays despite how fun they are. just got got back from a family bbq and couldn't help feeling a sense of lonliness and emptiness because my mom wasn't there. she always brought such happiness to everyone especially on holidays. everybody always had a smile on her face when she was there. i miss her everyday but on holidays i'm just reminded even more of how she held our family together and how strange it is to not see her contagious smile. things have changed so much now. my dad and his girlfriend never come to any family holidays anymore and he's changed so much i don't even know who he is anymore. i try really hard to still stay close to my family but i still feel left out a lot. i have a feeling he's just gonna keep changing for the worse. I keep dreading the day they get married because no matter how hard i try i still can't be truly happy for him. i put on a smile all the time to make it look like i am, but i really can't be when i know he's changed, he's not commited to his family, and it seems like he's completely forgotten about my mom and how important she was to us.