brendareep's Journal

I just dropped my college class.  I'm dropping out of the program.  I cannot do it anymore.  I thought that I could handle it, but I can't.  I don't want to be stuck writing papers and posting 3000 word discussion posts every week for another year.  I guess I wasn't cut out to have my Masters' Degree.  I feel like a total failure.  My husband has his masters' and he got it really easy in one year, and he's an idiot!  Why can't I do it?!

I feel like I should stop trying to be something, and surrender to the family destiny of living on bipolar and schizophrenic meds and living in a rest home at age 67 - like my aunt.  My sisters didn't have it half as bad as I did and some of them are in drug rehab and recovering from attempted suicides and completely non-religious and living on psych meds and everything.

Why do I keep trying to be successful and social and functional?  I keep trying, but I never succeed.  I cannot take it anymore.