Journal

He was my fiance at one time. There was a time that we were very happy and things looked so promising for us. That was years ago. Now that we're settled into our "life" together, there is no life. All my life consists of is waking up alone, going about my daily routine alone, eating alone, cleaning up alone, watching TV alone, going out alone. Even when we are in the same room together, I am still alone. His life, his love, his everything is gaming.  I am vaguely somewhere in the background.. literally.

I spent too many months and then years hoping that reasoning would get through to him. I spent too much time begging him to please find some boundaries and make more time for us. I have had too many talks with him about the fact that never going out anywhere or doing anything, especially never doing any of this with the person that you love, was starting to drive me crazy. I exerted too much energy trying to make him see what he just does not want to see. I know the back of his head far better than I do his eyes or his face. I am constantly regarded by the back of his head, even during an argument. That's all that I get, the back of his head.  I see this as a sign of disrespect and disregard. Actually, I see the whole thing as a sign of that and more.. 

I have endured embarrassing family moments where relatives had to witness how severe his problem is when he snapped at me that we'd have to "wait until he finished his battle" before we could all go out to eat. I have endured strange looks from friends when asked 'what we've been up to' and telling them honestly; "nothing. All he does is game." I have taken to lying to most of my friends now and always telling them things are great, even going so far as to make up things that we've gone out and done in recent weeks and months, just to avoid the looks of pity or confusion if I were to be honest. I don't want to praise him where he doesn't deserve it, but I also am tired of taking heat for his addiction. I have given up waiting around hoping that he will 'eventually get tired of it and get a life again', and instead I go out with my friends and live my own life without him. It's pitiful that someone should have no fun time out with their own boyfriend, but this is what it's come to. This is how it is. My pathetic life with an obsessed gamer.