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Annie528 
4:22pm, September 11, 2009
I can't seem to get a grip on my issues. I feel like I want to die everyday. I don't want to logically but it is always in the back of my mind. I just wish I could find some help that doesn't try to put me in a catogory. I just want to feel "NORMAL"! I want my family back. I want support from the people that say they love me. I don't just want to be left in my room to think bad thoughts. I really scare myself sometimes. I have turned to self harm to calm my anger and to feel release. I don't want that. I am imbarrased! I just need help and I can't find it anywhere....
I hate this so much! I haven't slept right in a month. Since I went to the hospital. I wish they would have kept me. I have had nothing but issues since. Cutting and depression.... I go on the 27th of July to the psychiatrist. I hate my life. What life?!? I don't know what to do anymore I seem to get worse the older I get. I am damned by my gene pool. I can't wait for a full evaluation so maybe they can finally get me to some "NORMAL" thoughts and feelings. If there is such a thing like "NORMAL". I don't know how much longer I can do this. I don't feel like I have a reason to live. How do people live their lives without feeling this way??? I sit here in my room ALL day and night mostly by myself. I hate myself. It's like being stuck with your worst enemy all day. I just hate my nonexsisting life!!!!! 
Comments
It's so hard seeing the person you lived for grow up and want a life of their own. I have a 17yr old son, he is my world, well was. Now he is wanting his independance. I understand we all go through it. I just can't believe how fast it snuck up on me. I miss him already! He still lives with me but from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed he is either in his room or out and about. I think it's great that he has friends and they are good friends. I guess I am just sad to see him getting older and losing that little boy that would make me laugh til i peed.
I just have to let the boy go and realize he is growing into a man. I gave him the tools that I could. I just miss my little baby!!!!! I feel abandoned. 
Past Entries
| July 2009 |
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Monday, 7/06
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June 2009 |
Saturday, 6/27
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hugs. know how you feel :(
hope your appointment goes well on the 27th. x
millionwishes
Good luck on the psych apt. Try to force yourself to get out at least for short periods a day. Isolating makes these problems worse. Hugs.
mianutzy