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Micko9 
12:57am, October 9, 2009
So my grandmother passed away last night. She had been sick. I am ok, I think...
I couldn't really see her the last week because it was to hard. She couldn't really talk or anything, just laying in bed. And that wasn't how I wanted to remember her. I know that I couldn't do anything for her and I know that she is at peace now. She is watching over me...smiling.
So now I need help. I don't know how to deal with Danielle (she has cervical cancer, and its hard for her. She lives in CA and I live in PA. She family is like up and down, not always there for her. I am like the only one who really cares about her). I don't want to seem like I am not being there for her, but at the same time..I need to be with my family. I can't tell her what happend, because she'll turn it around and make it seem like I am not focused on her.
She is doing good. The one school she was trying to get into, screwed her over and she didn't get in this semester, so she is going to community till the Spring.
Her family spent the weekend at Disneyland. She had an ok time. She was tired yesterday and today she felt better, but she sister were being bitches and didn't want to do anything with her. She also didn't have enough money to get a message yesterday and had to watch her nephew and neice (two little loves).
I know that I couldn't really do anything for her, but I want to. I know that she is still going through alot. She still doesn't know if her treatment will stop yet or if she is going to get her surgery. I just hope and pray that she is doing better. I want her to get well and beat this thing. I am hopig to visit her in Aug, before school starts.
-Mick Out
Comments
So sorry to hear about your grandmother - my sincerest condolences to you and your family. I lost a few very close relatives over the past few years, and like you, I preferred to remember them the best way I could.
It is your time to spend with your family, and you need not feel guilty about taking that time. As much as you care for Danielle, it's not healthy for her or you to be on call for her needs all the time. I'm concerned that you can't express what you are going through to her, because she'll 'make it seem like you are not focused on her'. Friendship and love are two way streets, and the best kinds are those where both people are available to each other.
Mick, I obviously don't know you well, but you remind me a lot of myself. I gave everything without looking after my own needs, and it broke me mentally. I became physically ill, depressed, and then was a poor support for everyone else. As much as you care for Danielle, you can't allow yourself to be only focused on her. You have a life that needs attention too. She may need a support group - perhaps others who are going through this. (A site like this is helpful too.) Sometimes when we are struggling, we rely too heavily on others, then get frustrated when they are having a hard time, or don't understand. I imagine her family are struggling in dealing with her illness as well. A group can help to find an outlet to express things that those close to you can't or won't hear - and hearing from others in the same situation can be a lot more helpful.
Anyways, be good to yourself. If your friend would like to talk more about cervical cancer, she can always message me. ;)
flunkiejunkie