Journal

Ive kept a paper journal since I was a kid, so I don't generally do a lot of writing on line.

Things have been very peaceful lately.  More peaceful than ever.  I keep wondering, is this really it?  Did he really walk away from drugs forever?!  Can it be?!  He even quit smoking weed which is something that I never imagined he would do.  

We are actively trying to sell the property and then we will go for some time to my parents' farm...then we will see.  This little town has changed so much since we first came here 10 years ago.  There are drug dealers next door and I swear that I am the only person on my street who doesn't smoke pot or snort coke.  Ok, now there are two of us.  I am so...happy--and so scared to be happy.  I want someone to buy the house TOMORROW so that we can bail out of thre while everything is ok.  It is going to be ok.  Right?  It is.  If he can kick it here, he can do it.  Like the end of the book A Million Little Pieces.

Every single minute of the day I pray for him.  please, please, please.  I have never seen him so settled, so secure, so steady.  I would do whatever it takes to make this last, even move away from the only place I've ever wanted to be.  Here.  Because heaven becomes hell when your husband is a drug addict.

The funny thing is that on of our friends (who sells weed and coke, of course) told us he has a friend who might be interested in the property.  This guy's clients, turns out, are Columbians.  Even though it isn't funny, it just cracks me up!  Perfect.  Couldn't be more appropriate.  As much as I have done my best to make the air and space in and around our home clean and pure and healthy--if the Columbians buy it and make it their den of doing what they do--well that would just be outstandingly right.  Destiny compeleting itself.