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About Me
DeaDellaLuna
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About Me
Hey, I'm Phoebe. I am keeping this account for very close friends only. If you are on my friends list, please stay there, I love you. However, I no longer use this account for chatting, hugs, or friends requests, so please refer to my other account : PaperBagGirl. Olivia, Edie, Christina, Bex, Amy, and Amanda, you are my bestest friends. My family. I love you.
Hey, I'm Phoebe. I am keeping this account for very close friends only. If you are on my friends list, please stay there, I love you. However, I no longer use this account for chatting, hugs, or friends requests, so please refer to my other account : PaperBagGirl. Olivia, Edie, Christina, Bex, Amy, and Amanda, you are my bestest friends. My family. I love you.
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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3 hugs given, 1 hug received, 1 journal post
Thursday
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DeaDellaLuna gave xxzadyxx a little love 5:15pm
I have not seen you online all day. Hope you're alright. I miss you Olivia!…
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DeaDellaLuna updated their status 12:34pm
PaperBagGirl…
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DeaDellaLuna updated their status 4:23am
Sleep.…
Wednesday
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DeaDellaLuna gave sugar09 a hug 8:57pm
I have my profile back. hate my display name though.....-sigh- I wonder if I'll still get support on…
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DeaDellaLuna updated their status 8:14pm
I'm around - watching heroes and trying to not be so anxious.…
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Journal
DeaDellaLuna hasn’t written any journal entries yet. -
Hugbook
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Miss You
Miss you Phoebe...
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Little Love
Thinking of you today sweetie.
Hug
You've been mighty quiet for a very vocal girl. Hope you are well. Check in once in a while, I worry about you.
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Little Love
i got your letters
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Hug
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!
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Photos
DeaDellaLuna hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Support Groups
Close Rape
I was broken three times, one time for each hole in my body that now belongs to him. I used to count how many times he ripped a peice of my soul away from me, but I've lost count.
Close Anxiety
In 2008, I died. But not enough to kill my body, only enough to take half of my life, my energy, my soul, & half my breath. I live in fear, anxiety, and panic more times than not(even sometimes in the dark, I see shadows, or dark shapes, almost people, and it terrifies me). Maybe I'm still alive, but I haven't been able to take a full breath since.
Open Self-Injury
I was 14 when I started, 20 when I stopped. I miss tearing my skin with a sharp razor, a peice of glass, or just pushing a needle into skin. I miss bleeding, I loved the pain, the punishment, the adrenaline rush...I'm tortured by my own self-hatred, and the pleasure that comes from showing it physically is beyond words. It's the most dangerously delicious pain I'll ever have.
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionWhen I'm not wishing I was dead, I'm begging for the sadness to go away, so I can just feel "Alive" again. I can't remember ever being happy, but in the last few years, I have never had more sadness, never been so deeply depressed that only death or miracles could save me from. I hurt, always.
Open Loneliness
I love Hospitals, Psychiatric Wards, Schools, & Summer camps. I can't help it. There are people around you at all times, caring for you, playing with you, helping you, & teaching you. I've never fit in anywhere else, and when I'm not in one of those places, I'm usually feeling as though I'm all alone. This loneliness is overwhelming.
Open Bisexuality
Emotionally & Spiritually, I'm attracted to females, but physically, I'm confused. I'd say physically I'm pansexual, because I'm attracted to who I love, but due to trauma, I have no sex-drive anyway, so I'm basically A-sexual.
Open Sexual Abuse
When I was 8, Pat the teen from the babysitters. When I was 15, Manny, the 27 year old Cable-guy/pot-smoker/black guy. When I was 19, Josh - the 21 year old man, the only one i ever trusted with my life, my heart, my body. It hurts that I can't take it back.
Open Family Issues
I'm missing a connection with my parents, my step-sisters don't seem to love me like I love them, and my twin sister is a recovering drug addict/alcoholic.
Open Bipolar Disorder
I'm up & down, black & white, Manic & Depressive. I'm not really that upset about it as I have accepted it as part of who I am, or how my mind works...I guess it's just hard sometimes to fall down from my flying-freedom, where it's bright and white, into a grave down in the ground, where it's dark and black.
Open Eating Disorders
I used to suffer from anorexia(which i prefer), and used to over-excercize until it hurt, or I was content enough(bulimia)...In the last couple years, I've picked up overeating, which, although I don't look horrible, makes me feel hideous, self-conscious, and fat. I do hope to gain control of my eating, so I can be my goal weight of 115lbs.
Open Separation Anxiety
I'm afraid to get close to people, because they usually leave..I can't handle even the short term separations, and usually react irrationally. This has led to me going to the extremes to either get them back(begging or punishing myself for whatever I did that caused them to abandon me), or pretending to be someone else in order to keep them as a friend(making up a fake identity, usually an online alias), but extremes seem to only lose them faster and harder, so I painfully suffer in silence.
Open Personality Disorders
Type: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)When I was 15, i looked up disorders online. I found Borderline Personality Disorder, and decided it was me. Everyone said not to self-diagnose, but when I was hospitalized(again) when I was 16, they diagnosed me with the same disorder. I'm not afraid to have it, I embrace it. Somehow, it's just a part of who I am, and I like that.
Open Parenting Toddlers (1-3)
I wasn't trying to get pregnant...in fact, I was finally aiming to put that part of my life on hold(as opposed to always trying to get it as fast as possible)...But somehow, Destiny knocked on my door and said I just had to have a baby girl while I was still a teenager. Amanda Starling Morgan, born July 24th 2008. I love her with all my heart.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
I'm in a relationship with a man who has been Physically, Psychologically, Emotionally, Verbally, and Sexually abusive to me. I've heard stories of men changing their abusive behavior, I've talked to councelors who say they can change if they want to, & I have an undying faith in the man I first fell in love with. I Hate him, & Love him. I don't think I can live without him, & if I don't have to, I won't. I know i'm an idiotic dreamer, but it's my world, & my mind, so please leave me in it.
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
From what I've learned of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I'm a victim of its relentless attacks. I don't have many flashbacks, but certain triggers have me shaking, crying, hurting, numb, or fearfully remembering what's happened. I cringe, I dream, & I live in the trauma given to me. It's like it's own country - Traumaland. I've lived here too long, the rent comes in painful memories, the temperature has me breathless, and I've got no safe lovely home of my own, or a soft bed. I hate it here.
Open Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
My OCD is mostly fun, or comforting. I just enjoy it, and accept it. I count on my fingers the syllables in some words, have to stop the microwave at 1 second, volume's must be at a multiple of 5, I love to organize, obsessively, & I like things in certain order. I also obsessively create new user accounts for most websites I join. I cant touch foam, use pencils, or sometimes walk on sidewalks, or i get the chills, and grind my teeth. I dont know why- its annoying, but not overwhelming.
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