Im not doing it anymore.
November 4, 2009 7:58am
For over ten years now since my husband died I have felt only guilt and anger but not anymore. Yesterday we would have been married for 21 years and …
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cynthiadean
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About Me
cynthiadean
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About Me
Hope you all like my new profile pic, got fed up looking at me at 18. I live with my partner of nine years, who is very understanding of my problems. My first husband died ten years ago, who I had three children with, a son who is 20 and is in the Royal Air Force, I miss him alot, but he loves the job and its nice when he comes home. I have twin daughters who are 18 and both go to college, we have two lovely dogs called cookie and cocoa. I have been self harming now for about four years. I have been getting treatment for about three and half years, I am on three lots of tablets, which I think I need reviewing because their dont seem to be helping me any more, my depression as come back, I hate going out of the house, I have not been anywhere without my partner for over two years. I think every day abouy harming, I have cut my self with razors on my chest and stomach three times, and cut my hair once in the last three weeks, I used to get relief after harming but I my not getting that any more.
Hope you all like my new profile pic, got fed up looking at me at 18. I live with my partner of nine years, who is very understanding of my problems. My first husband died ten years ago, who I had three children with, a son who is 20 and is in the Royal Air Force, I miss him alot, but he loves the job and its nice when he comes home. I have twin daughters who are 18 and both go to college, we have two lovely dogs called cookie and cocoa. I have been self harming now for about four years. I have been
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Interests
I have started reading again after my daughter nagged me to read twilight, which I loved and read the other three books. I enjoy going to the cinema and going for a meal afterwards with my family. We all love to go bowling, which Im not to bad at.
I have started reading again after my daughter nagged me to read twilight, which I loved and read the
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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19 hugs received, 13 hugs given
Yesterday
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cynthiadean gave mardiman a thanks 4:31pm
Thanks Scott for the hug it means alot to me. Hope everything is going ok for you, how are the meetings…
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cynthiadean gave Raynow a thanks 4:27pm
Thanks ray for the Monday wishes I need them. Hope everything is ok with you, its always good to hear…
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cynthiadean gave stix24 a chocolate 4:25pm
Hi babe sorry you are so ill hope you start feeling better soon, apart from being ill how are things…
Sunday
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cynthiadean gave Karl42 a thanks 5:50pm
Hi Karl thanks for the hug and your kind words they mean alot to me. Hope everything is ok with you?…
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cynthiadean gave stix24 a chicken soup 5:47pm
Hi babe hope you are feeling abit better today colds are horrible. Hope you like chicken soup take care…
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Journal
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This entry is private
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Dont know whats a matter with me.
July 26, 2009 10:24am
I really dont know whats a matter with me at the moment, I feel really low and all I feel like doing is crying my eyes out. I self harmed yesterday, …
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I am angry with myself.
July 6, 2009 11:59am
I wake up every morning , and the first thing I feel like doing is crying my eyes out.I dont feel like doing anything, I cant even be bothered to …
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I feel so ashamed, but cant stop,need advise.
June 24, 2009 11:37am
I am forty years old and reaching out for any help or advise, any one can give me. I started self harming about four years ago, it started …
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Hugbook
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Flower
Hi Cynthia thanks for the hug and sorry to see your still not feeling too good,i had a rough day today but am going to do plenty exercise tomorrow that usually helps,ive done nothing but eat take aways all week .Im back to work tomorrow night and aparently one of those yobs i had the bother with is coming along to apologise,really hope you feel better soon big hugs Karl x
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Flower
Aww thanks Cynthia hun for the get well wishes :) So sorry you're feeling down. Just know i am always here for you. Apart from being ill things have been going quite well thanks hun this past week. I was a bit upset as a friends been very ill but he's a lot better now. I started my voluntary job 2 tuesdays ago. I'm working for my psych and getting feedback from patients after their appts. I'm a bit dissapointed i couldn't go in this week but i can hardly be coughing all over everyone and i'm not feeling well enough. Been having a lot of panic attacks though and anxiety so just been talking to my mum a lot (bless her she's the best!). Hope you feel better soon babe. Let me know if there is anything i can do to help? Big hugs x
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Little Love
Aww thanks so much sweetie for the chicken soup :) I went to the doctors today and it turns out i have flu and bonchitis so i'm just resting and trying to get well again :) How have you been hun? Big hugs x
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Hug
Good Monday morning wishes to you .. hope this week is a good one 4 u .. hugz ..
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Hug
whats a matter? why are you feeling so bad today? I will be on in the morning if you wanna chat.I hope all is well....Hugs Scott
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Photos
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Goals
Progress
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Goal End Date is Apr 25, 10 152 more days.Current Weight (Lbs)249 -
Support Groups
Close Self-Injury
i have been self harming now for 4 years sometimes it gets better, but when it comes back it feels ten times worse, and i think it might keep talking to other people like myself, who understand what it feels like to self ham.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- still on going,sometimes it helps,but other times it makes me feel worse.
- Rubber Bands Working / Worked
- tried it for a while but it did not help.
- Talking Working / Worked
- i some times talk to my partner, or my family, but i feel that it upsets them, which makes me feel worse about myself, so i feel like self harming again.
Close Physical & Emotional Abuse
My late husband was both Physical and Emotional abusive towards me, nearly all of ou marriage. H as been dead now for 10 years, and Im still angry at him.
Treatments
- Talking Working / Worked
- It helps at the time, but when I think of him lately Im so angry.
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI have suffered with depression that long, I cant rembemer when it first started, I just know it as got alot worse over the last 10 years
Treatments
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- It just didnt work for me
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Its hard to think postive when you are depressed
- Prozac Working / Worked
- It worked for awhile but my depression just got worse.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- My counseller is great, he really helps me, but sometimes after talking I cry alot and I get headaches.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- My partner and kids are wonderful they help alot. My outside family are not so understanding, they just think I which pull myself together.
- Writing Working / Worked
- I did keep a journal for awhile, I dont know why I stopped, but will start again one day,
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- It worked for a few years I was on 200mg a day but it just stopped helping so I have not to come of it.
- Remeron Working / Worked
- I have only been on them a couple of weeks so I dont know if they will work Im on 15mg aday.
Open Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety
I hate going out of the house. My worse point was when I didnt go ouy of the house for 3 months. I have not been out of the house without my partner for over 2 years,and then its only when I see my counselor.
Open Insomnia
I have been suffering with Insomnia now for over a year and its just getting worse and is not helping cope with my depression.
Treatments
Open Widows & Widowers
My husband died 10 years ago but still find it hard to deal with at times.
Treatments
- Grief Counseling Working / Worked
- It worked at the time but I still need counseling.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Still ongoing it does help sometimes, but at times it makes be feel really down and depressed.
