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breannasmommy 
Wow! I guess I finally have the nerve to right a journal entry. I have found that putting words down is quite healing. I have constantly struggled with the anxiety over my daughters illness. My doctor said it best when he said "you are most anxious over the things you can not control" He hit it on the head. I am such a control freak and this virus is so out of my control. I hate this toxic devil that resides inside her body. I hate that I have to be careful so that I do not contract it from her. What mother wants to glove up to doctor their own child. I hate it that her muscles ache and she gets so tired so easy. I somtimes go in her room at night and lay down beside her and cry. I just want her to be healed.... DARN HEP C!!!! I am learning to take everyday with her as a gift and know that GOD is ultimately in control anyway. Who was I to think I could control anything..... I hate the unknown......... I want her to get treatment so she can forget she ever dealt with this demon... but I am scared of what her life will be like during treatment. I am afraid of missing something and her health deteriorating..... I am just so afraid of this illness........ I have to stop letting it be in control........I pray that I can feel more sure of myself soon and put this virus back in its place, HELL!!!
Comments
you have every right to feel how you feel and your doctor is right its out of your hands and in gods; everyone goes through tx differently but in the end it brings the viral load down , which is good. Not all are sucess stores but even bringing it down is worth it.
Barb99999999
Thanks sweetie... you are always so good with your words.. I am really trying to relax more and enjoy the fact that she is healthy right now and may stay that way for years to come. When I start to feel sorry for myself or her I read Lesa's journal over her daughter and that gives me a reality check...
breannasmommy