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Hateit 
O.k. This is ridiculous and I am not even sure it has much to do with the drinking but I need to write it in my journal as its the only place I know he doesn't read. I was listening to Peter Andres Behind Closed Doors today and suddenly out of no-where it nearly makes me cry. Me and my hubbie met in a whirlwind, a fairytale romance, and after all the shit I put up with in the past with my ex my hubbie was my saviour - he was the man I had dreamed of that would worship the ground I walked on and he did, he was everything I could ever have wanted in my fairy tale romance world, he saved me from drowning in the despair I was in. Tonight suddenly I was overwhelmed with sadness because I realised my perfect wonderful saviour had faults - how dare he, not just the drinking but other things happened after the birth of my son which I don't want to go into as its got nothing to do with the alcohol, or maybe it has I don't know but that to me along with the alcoholism and mood swings , my knight in shining armour has dents! Like any girl I wanted him to be perfect and love me for me and worship the ground I walked on and .................. now I keep remembering that he did not do that half as much as he was meant to. Then again, he may not have wanted a wife with Post Natal Depression and so I suppose there we go we both have fault. I would just like to say the alcholism itself is not the problem, that I could cope with it was the lies and moods that came with it that annoyed me and yes o.k. I admit I feel let down. I know I am a selfish selfish person as on the whole I do have the perfect man but I do not feel that love bubble that I used to. Trouble is I am a writer and I have all these romantic heroes in my head that unfortunately maybe people just cannot live up to - why? WHY CAN'T THEY ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
