Unwritten1's Journal

I look forward to the weekend for a little downtime.  I never seem to learn though....  It's just more time with "him"....  He wakes up with evil comments to me.  Doesn't matter what I say or what I do, he finds a way to make it wrong.  Now he's telling bad things about me to my kids.  He'd do it whether we were together or not.  I saw him do it with his older son & his ex-wife.  I just thought by my staying with him he wouldn't do it with me....  I was wrong....  I feel there's no way out of this hell.  He's like the schoolyard bully.  I've tried ignoring him, I've tried talking to him, I've tried standing up to him. Nothing works.  For some reason he hates me.  Why does he stay married to me then??? 

He's hated me from the start but I never wanted to see it.  I've always tried to make things right.  I've always thought I could make things right.  I know now that I can.  No matter what I ever do, it will never be right with him.  Why can't I just pick up and leave?I'm so frustrated with myself over this!  Do I really lack that much self-esteem and confidence that I can't leave him and the hell that I'm living???