Unwritten1's Journal

I've have more than a few not so great days.  I tend to withdraw into myself when this happens.  Not always the most healthy thing to do, but I guess it's a safety precaution I've learned over the years.

Through another website, a domestic violence site that's geared toward woman mainly, I met 4 other people and we became pretty close.  Two of us more than the rest, but there was a connection with all of us.  The one in AZ & I got into a misunderstanding that escalated.  It started through email & ended by text.  She was drinking, but I didn't know that at the time.  She said many hurtful things to me & I retaliated in same.  Our friendship of 5 yrs ended horribly.  Part of me feels bad, but another part of me, a cold part, doesn't.  That's not me & I'm surprised by that.  Has being in this abusive relationship for so long changed me that much?  Am I becoming that hateful & cold?

I've always been a pretty direct person.  You usually know where you stand with me.  I believe in honesty.  And everything I said to her I meant.  But I know that I could've said it all in a less harsh way.  I didn't take into account her feelings at all.  She was hurting me so I wanted to hurt her as well, but I knew I could hurt her worse, & did.  

Another of our friends told me I had acted just like an abuser.  That was "their" way, not "ours".  Those words are haunting me....  Have I turned into what I despise???  Am I an abuser?  Have I lost myself so much by staying so long that I no longer have a soul?