Journal

He asked what was for lunch, I had put out chicken & hamburger, thinking I'd make tacos for dinner.  His response to both was "yuk"...  Then he picked up the chicken & said "haven't had chicken before"...  I told him he was lucky to have food to eat.  I'd just had enough of all his flipping comments!  I try, I really do to keep my mouth shut but he just gets the best of me!

His response to that was that I was lucky to have a place to live...  He seems to think that b/c I stopped paying 1/2 the mortgage & 1/2 the utilities that HE supports me.  He can't seem to understand that I pay all the daycare costs which match the monthly mortgage cost & I pay all the grocery bill & all the "out to eat" costs & all the other "extras" which match the utilities.  So, penny for penny, we are even when it comes to putting money into this house.  

In fact, I probably put more into it b/c I just put out $2k to repaint & redecorate the entire inside of the house.  I pay for all the clothes & shoes for the kids.  I pay all the school costs & for our son's karate costs.  He doesn't see it this way tho.

So anyway, after he tells me that I'm lucky to have a place to live I told him that I'd have a place to live with or without him.  He'd be the one who's lifestyle would drastically change b/c he'd be the one paying child support for 3 kids.  (he has an older child from a previous marriage).

He tells me that he will not pay child support for 3 kids.  I said no, you're right, Andrew will be 18 & out of school this year, you're right.  He said, no he won't ever pay for even 2 kids.  I said then you'll be in jail.  Either way, makes no difference to me, you won't be with us.  He told me that if he was in jail then I wouldn't get any child support & would be back in the "slums" i was in when he first met me!

I was totally shocked!  Speechless!  Although I was able to tell him that I was much happier before I met him.  This made him speechless b/c the man I was w/before him slept with my niece (she's 6 yrs younger than I am).  But even with that, I was happier with him than with this man!

For him to say that was incredible!  I had a 3 bedroom ranch I was working two jobs to keep while he lived with me rent free!!!  Not giving me a dime to help me!!!  I ended up selling the house before it went into foreclosure.  It was a nice house in a very upscale neighborhood with schools that were/are rated higher than the area he lived in before he came to live with me!  How dare he!!!!!

I know what he was referring to tho.  He was referring to where I grew up...  And that was the slap in the face to me.  I can't help where my parent's chose to live while I was growing up & when I was old enough & had my oldest son I moved out of that area & made a better life for myself & my son...  Instead of being proud of me for that he uses it against me!!!!!  He's sees his self as better than me.  

After he went outside I lost it & started to cry.  My 5 y/o daughter came in & asked why I was crying.  My 8 y/o son asked her "why do you think"....  

I have got to end this.  It can not continue this way.  I texted my oldest son (he's 24) what I was told about going back to the slums) & he asked if my husband had some kind of mental problem we don't know about...  Not making light of it or fun of it...  I really think he might.   Either that or he just really hates me that much, but why????