TristanKrauter's Journal

Okay this is random but I shrunk two inches, Im serious its scary. The doctor freaked out on me.

Anyway....

So, my art teacher, Mrs. Litke, has been peeving me off lately. She ignores me and fails me and then lies about it. I think shes jealous cause Im a better teacher then her. For example, Yesterday, she put a 0 on my partisipation points, then wrote on my grade notes that I told her to 'clean her own damn class.' And suddenly my grade dropped from an A+ to an F-. I went back to check and she took grades from other days writing bogus notes like 'I called her a liar' or 'I told her to shove it.' I'll admit that Im sometimes unpleasant, but I never did any of that. And I cant drop the class because Ive promised people that Id take it and become an artist. So what am I going to do, I've talked to the counsler, and she said shed talk to her about it, and I have faith in the counsler but this isnt something that can wait. What should I do?

Heres another problem (I have alot)

One of my friends started to ask me a few days ago if he could have sex with me. I do have a boyfriend right now, so naturally I said no, but we decided it was chill if we still hung out. So the other day we hung out at the park, and he jumped on me and started to kiss and touch me. Well, I got a little caught up in the moment, and the whole time I managed to convince myself that it was my boyfriend doing that, but when reality struck me, I pushed him off of me and told him to take me home. I still feel really guilty about it, but I had asked advice from atleast 16 people from my family, and all of them said I shouldnt tell him, that I should let it blow over. But at school, people started pushing me around, calling me a whore and slut and what not and twice I was forced to run and go home. I dont think it was my friend because Ive known him long enough to know that he wouldnt brag about something like that, but he is also the kind of guy that wont stand up and admit that he did it. I think it was one of the freshman who drove by or the people who lived around there, but I still dont know how to go about dealing with this...I hate being a woman...

Speaking of which

My boyfriend and I talked about my transgenderness, and he did say that he was uncomfertable with me wanting to be a man, but he did want me to be happy too. So he decided that if I did become a man that he could only be my friend, but he would try. My dad, I started to cross dress, and dad asked me to be his little girl for a while longer. My mom is still threatening to disown me and the rest of my family is ignoring the fact. People at school are warming up to the Idea, but i feel horribly depressed. I dont know what to do, Im scared, I cry almost every night, and a whole bunch of guys started to make fun of me saying that I was aspiring to be gay because I have a boyfriend, but Im bi, and I dont know why it hurt but it did.

I love my bf, and Id do anything for him, but I dont know what will happen to me if I stay like this. I asked another Transseuxal and he said that he knew someone in a simmilar situation and they commited suicide. Im between a rock and a hard place, I know evveryone would be happier with me a girl, but im not, so what do I do? Im so confused and I just want some one to put me out of my misery. I understand its my desision, and I feel like I need this, but if I do, I lose the people who are most important to me, I wish someone could help me...