Journal

Why do I love my boyfriend and continue to support him when I know he has lied to me and cheated on me? It's so hard to trust him and it tears me up inside. How can I keep thinking of him and feeling like I want to help him recover from his addiction? He seems to be trying so hard and the caring, devoted side of me only wants to help. I fear for my own well-being though. My own needs will continue to be neglected if I continue on this path. He tries to remember that I'm part of this relationship, too, but all of the meetings and the intense therapy are consuming everything, even my own therapy gets confusing at times. We're not married and we don't live together. I could walk away and get a fresh start which is what most of my friends encourage me to do. They say I'm "such a catch"...what does that mean? I don't want someone else. I have so many fun memories and this man has touched me so deeply I don't know if I can ever open up and trust anyone else again. And what do I even have to offer someone else now? At this moment I'm trying to back off a little and let my boyfriend come to me...let him start earning my trust again and prove to me that he wants this to work. I can't help it along anymore. I just want him to be completely honest. Either admit that he can't be or fess up and trust that if I haven't left him by now, I won't. I'm just rambling now. It's helping. I feel such pain and also admiration for all the spouses going through this. Thoughts are with you.