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Maggie27 
I'm at the library right now, trying to get some work done. I pushed myself to leave the house tonight, I was so tired and wanting to just watch TV. But D is playing basketball tonight and I didn't want to stay home all day by myself. So I took myself out for a little dinner at this cafe by my house. I've been wanting to eat there for awhile, I've been there to get desserts and bread, but never dined in. It was terrifying. I have such social phobia and I was all by myself. But it was also really nice, I had a panini and the place was almost empty and the environment was really relaxing. So now I'm sitting here at the library and just feeling depressed. I don't know why, entirely. I know I'm burned out from work, it's just the same all the time and I'm starting to get sick of it (I'm a freelance writer). I know I'm lonely (I have zero friends because of my social phobias, other than D and my family). I'm nervous about Thursday. I told my therapist I would go to this Atheist meetup group and D agreed to go with me and I'm terrified, completely. I'm loney but I'm too afraid to make friends. Even sitting here with people around me makes me so nervous I can hardly focus on my work. And I've been like this for so long, despite all my efforts to go to new groups, go to new places, just be out. It never gets comfortable. Will it, ever?
