Journal

No big outbursts today. My only outburst in 24 hours: a little of the f- word in the car when traffic wouldn't let me parallel park. But, it lasted no more than 15 seconds, and I think I've earned at least that!

I had some frustrating moments, but I just talked myself through it (silently), and in the end, it worked out the way I wanted it to anyway. So, hooray for patience.

I do, however, need some sleep. I fear that another night without a full night sleep and I may become a little volatile. I talked to my counselor on the phone today about what to do when I work my exercises and unroof all of these raw feelings about my past. Like, does that mean I never got over it? Does it mean I should focus counseling on the past, in order to fix the future? His suggestion was just use it as a chance to know more about myself. It is a historical fact that xyz happened, and because of it, I am more likely to do abc. That way, I don't get caught off guard when abc happens.

Of note, I have been having thoughts about ending my long-term relationship, but I want to sleep before I start handing out ultimatums. Plus, I kinda just wanna enjoy my holiday. Maybe I'll write out what I want to say first, in my journal.