Journal

okay so i suffer from hyperhidrosis. it actually ruins my life. i dont need it, im 15, one of my best friends has died, my sister has a few health problems, as do my parents, and i'm not making any of their lives easier.

i've been on millions of tablets to stop it and to make me feel better. ive tried everything the doctors suggested + more.

i went to see her (my dr) today with my dad. he's getting worried about me, because these days im so reluctant to get out of bed, let alone leave the house.

the doctor asked me if i was feeling suicidal. at this point, i just burst out crying. so i guess that told her the answer. but i hated my dad seeing me like that, i don't think he realised how upset i am. but if anyone has hyperhidrosis, they'll know what it's like. i feel so embarrassed, so dirty, so ashamed to be me, i just want it to stop. 

anyone else who doesn't have it and is thinking what an attention seeker/ person who has nothing to cry about, trust me, it's HORRIBLE. i can't wear nice shoes because they get discoloured i don't want to be around people at all, my clothes are all black and everyone notices, i NEVER take my jumper off at school, my shoes slip off because they're wet, and sometimes i can't even hold a pen without it slipping out of my hand.

so now it's been suggested that i go to a mental health unit, so that i'm not so 'anxious'. i suppose that's a better name than suicidal?

can anyone make me feel better? i'm really desperate :(    anything, add me as a friend, make me smile, chat to me, tell me i'm not alone, tell me a joke even.  anything.

thank you.  and sorry :(