Journal

Today has been a good day, tough though, very tough.

If I told any of my friends I have started attending meetings for a 12 step program they would absolutely laugh at me.

Asking for help...

Sharing things about myself I've never told anyone...

. . . I even cried,

. . . and in front of other people.

The more I search myself for this "moral inventory" the more I am not pleased.

But I am changing, things are changing. I called someone yesterday. That was a first and a good first. As tough as it gets I am not going to quit. I know there is hope, I know there is help, it doesn't "feel" like it, but I know it is there. I just have to keep on.

Today is a good day. I am struggling a little but I'm ok. I'm dealing with it differently than I have in the past. One of the guys at the meetings I have started to attend loaned me a book to read. I guess it's the SA book. It has actually helped a lot.

I am thankful I have today to be sober.

Well, I did it.

Tonight I attended my first group meeting locally. Yesterday the book I ordered last week arrived, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction.

The meeting was not easy at all and was not what I had thought.

In one aspect, it wasn't easy but it felt good. It felt good to share, and I did.

So I start my journey, or start a deeper journey.