Journal

A Mother's Story

October 2008

2 Pink Lines

3 Months Pregnant

Morning Sickness

Movement

Belly Growing

Maternity Clothes

Mood Swings and Cravings

Anticipated Due Date, May 22, 2009

May 15, 2009

Fetal Doppler

Ultra Sounds

Evil Words, "Sorry Andrea, there is no heartbeat"

Anger

Nurse Ann

Brandon

Scrubs

Silence

Baby Charles

Tears

Prayers

Grief Plaque On Our Door

Holding Our Son

Charles Raymond Serawop

11lbs, 7oz

May 15, 2009, 4:17 P.M.

What Is Your Heaven?

Is It As Beautiful As I Can Imagine

Do You See White Doves Or

Puppy Dogs Tails A Waggin…

What Is Your Heaven?

Big White Pearly Gates Or

Beautiful Fluffy Clouds Floating

As God Awaits…

What Is Your Heaven?

Lullabies Being Made For You

And Your Friends, Or

Harps And Flutes Welcoming You In…

What Is Your Heaven?

Big Round Eyes Looking Down Upon

Mom And Dad, With Big Cheeks

And Smiles, While Tears Roll Down

And Curse Our Heavenly Ground…

What Is Your Heaven?

Sitting In His Lap Giggling With Joy

While All Of Us Missing You

 And Thinking About Our Baby

Boy…

Your Heaven, My Son Sounds So Wonderful

And Great..Ill Be Here Patiently While My Turn Awaits,

So…..My Angel Up Above, Will You Meet Me There To Open

My Gates With Your All Of Your Love?

Is That Your Heaven?

Andrea Benally, Mom To Charles Raymond Serawop…

Today is the four month mark, you are four months in heaven today, I could just imagine you sitting up and babbling to your brothers; picking you up from the sitter and breast feeding you; walking around the marina with you in your little stroller; holding you tight while we dance together; changing diapers and cleaning up after you spit up. These are sweet wishes and dreams I have of you.

The hurt is still there but I now can talk about you without choking up, I look upon other little ones and just wonder what you would be like, curly hair, big eyes, any teeth, chubby legs.

We visited yesterday, and your brothers made a race track with monster trucks for you, I thought that this is our normal; Your brothers playing next to you in a cemetary, I am sure other parents who have never experienced death would think we were odd for just playing and speaking with you. The wind blew so softy while I spoke with you and birds circled us, probably to listen in on our conversation. My tears weren't so heavy this time around, but the tears fell lighter. I enjoy our little time we have together, just wish it were real time for us. I love you, and please watch over us.

Mom