bonny526's Journal

I'm tired of living somewhere I'm not wanted.  I spend all my time alone in my room on my computer, doing nothing.  I can't seem to find a job anywhere.  The ones I've applied to have all rejected me.  I can't leave the house because I have no car.  I'm just left to sit here with nothing to do and noone to talk to.  And when I dare to go see my sister in her apartment (it's an in-law apartment attached to our house), I get driven out.  I go over there to read and essentially mind my own business, but to be around people, as both my other siblings are over there constantly, and I'm chased out by my littlest sister.  It's like my mere presence bothers people.  I miss being around people who appreciate me, normal people who know how to have normal relationships.  I want out of here, but I have no way of leaving, nowhere else to go.  I wish that I was still in school.  I considered my college to be home, not here.  And now that I'm graduated, I can't ever go back.  Instead, I have to live in this world that I hate and that has nothing to offer me, by way of family, friends, or ambition.  It's like I live in this black hole that's sucking the life out of me, day after day.  I just want to throw up my hands and say "you win!  You wanted to break me?  Congratulations.  You've succeeded."  I don't have the strength to fight anymore.