claire36's Journal

been a while since i wrote in here.

well im now 5 mths sober and it does feel good

how have i done it simple

thru the help of my new programme of the 12 steps

the love and support of the fellowship of aa

simple as that

and ive had 50 kinds of s**t thrown at me in this time

stuff before i would of drunk on

stuff i would of used as my excuse to drink

and it is just an excuse to drink not a trigger

and i now know that now

doesnt mean that everthing has been easy tho

my old behaviuors havent jus gone

i still have them

1 is my drinking. that has gone jus for today

the intrusive thoughts are still their and i try and work on them on a daily basis

the sh thoughts are still their and unfortunatly i found myself resorting to this old behaviour last night

like i said old beahaviours are hard to get rid of

i work on them on a daily basis

but i am only human and whilst my danger ones i havent used i have found myself resortin to my old sh behaviour

its not bad but it hurts and that was what i was craving last night

i am annoyed at myself  for resorting to the old behaviour but it could be worse

i could of drank i didnt. i could of run away i didnt. i could of well jumped out of a moving vehicle like ive been fantasing about but i didnt.

so out of all of my old behaviours yes i used one but it could of been much more worse

as i say what will be will be.

sim[ple keep it simple

its hard. not easy but who ever said that life was easy.

progress not perfection