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pointofthought 
There are so many times when I wake up in the morning feeling completely hopeless, that I've somehow screwed up my life so badly, so... completely that there is no way out of the past. That, somehow, when I was a kid I was evil and so rotten that it's no wonder my family has problems with liking me. My sister just came over and said "I go to mount Holyoke, I'm smart" I may not have a chance of getting into a school like Mount Holyoke, so for a little while I felt completely stupid. But then I realized, that somehow over the last twenty one years, despite all the pain I've felt, I MUST have done something right. After all, I'm not the horrible person I thought I once was. That the past no longer exists. Here's an excerpt from the Sound of Music.
Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somwhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could...
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good
Maybe I'm not the scholar my sister is, but she isn't me, and I need to learn to accept that. She will accomplish things that I will never be able to accomplish, and I need to be able to rest well at night knowing that. Knowing that, just because she's able to go to a world class school where princesses and queen's send their daughters doesn't mean that I'm not just as smart, in my own field of study. I'm not a scientist, I'm not a mathematician. I'm a writer, I'm someone who loves to read. Someone who loves the smell of books, the feel of a movie, the sound of the music that I can rest to, I love the work that's put in to things that people consider to be stupid ("Watching TV only makes your brain turn to mush" For instance) I love the media arts, I love writing. That's something my sister cannot say. (And instead of having what she has, I'll be attending a school where Bill Cosby, Bill Pullman, and Steve Corwin went to school- Umass Amherst) If I'm not able to go to where I want to go.
"So somewhere in my youth... or childhood....
I must have done something.... good...."
Comments
Mike,I think you are a brilliant writer....really.I learned very quick in my own life that we are much more than our "status",our "degree",professions,homes,social class,and salary.I used to find worth in myself through these things,and i worked very hard to achieve them,but I was shown,the hard way,that all these things can go away.And I was forced to reevaluate what makes us worthwhile.The things that you love and are talented in never go away,and nothing in this world can take them from you.I think that this will be a great asset to you throughout your life.You seem to see the things that really do matter.Anyone can earn a degree,but that's not what gives us character.You take it away and what is left?
You are very insightful and aware of yourself and that is a strength that some people go their whole lives without acquiring.
I am quite sure that you did many things right,and wrong as most of us do,but I also think that intention matters a lot,and that a man's character includes the motives of his heart.
I love the excerpt that you quoted.It is a special thing for one to live in this world and be able to interpret our surroundings in such a significant way.
IamJen