Join Now
Gesoma 
1:22am, August 4, 2009
when the house is quiet and my daughter is at school I think about all the things Ive done, things I need to do, and all the things I should have done.
when my mind starts thinking of all this all I can do is crank up the music and try to drowned out my thoughts, sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesnt.
Like right now Im running on 5 hrs of sleep, Im tired , depressed, and I have no energy.
staring at my monitor, I look at all the support groups Im in. Pancreantitis,Bipolar disorder,Insomnia, PTSD, Breavement, Pancreatic Cancer, and Single Parents.
it seems I hardly have time for any of these groups.I think 90% of my day is here Keeping Vivian company. I guess this explains why my mind cant think right now.
I just read an odd fact- our eyes are the same size from birth.
now Im getting side tracked.the eyes are the same size- like our sole its size never changes
but our hearts- love-God grows
our brain- thoughts-faith-grows
and our body- they all grow.
Comments
Bubba I love you for all you do and feel bad for how little I do for you now..It was never suppose to be like this..I wish I could fix this all for you..and not of added to your depression..I know I do..Please know when you need to do other things it is alright..I understand..I do love you and want only for you to be happy..If I could give you one thing it would be happiness...you got my love..Vivian
Alvi
i want to give ya a big hug and hope all well for you ... huggs ang
angelina1982
Dearest Ben,
I understand where you are at. If I didn't have my special needs students to keep my brain going I would be so depressed.I sleep only 4-6 hours a night mostly 5. I would much rather spend all my days helping others but when I have alone time my brain is continually thinking about what I should do and I drowned it out with other helping people tasks. I stare at my monitor too and sometimes feel paralyzed in the moment and seriously sad. You are a good person and quite a GREAT friend too!
I am going through some serious PTSD therapy which is helping me understand why I am the way I am. My belief system is affecting what is happening also. I spend so much time keeping the door locked on the closet that contains all the skeletons that haunt me on a daily basis.This wears me out but I am determined in time to clean the closet so I won't have to put a lock on it anymore. I have to do some adjustments on my belief system in order to free myself from the chains that bind me. I too get sidetracked so I am in your club..Take Good Care of YOu, OK, Blessings, Marie
gentle51