Gesoma's Journal

 Last night when I was working Rebecca called me, my Daughter Blakee was supose to go to her house and get her WII game that she left there. Rebecca said that Blakee had too much homework to do and dident have time to pick it up so rebecca asked if I could stop by on my way home and get it. and if I could bring her some Choco Taco's.

I told her I would.

Because I thought seeing Rebecca again would be hard to handle I stopped at the store

and grabbed a pint of Wiskey.

As I got to the house and went inside, There was Rebecca banging away on a drum playing

Guitar Hero. she was smiling and laughing and appeared to be in little pain.

I guess I expected to see her curled up in a ball on the couch weeping and in pain.

One of the key Issues in me and her breaking up is Comunication.

and she asked me if I was ok; I told her I had alot of things I was dealing with at that time

but dident say much more. she asked me to tell her what was wrong, I couldent

Thoughts: Trying to deal with her dying scares me somehow- I just dont know why I am affraid

of this. My mind thinks it doesnt matter if I tell her I still love her, I know this isent going to stop Death by saying it. But I forgot that this just might be comforting to Her that i feel this way.

Feelings:Im sitting her trying to figure out why its easyer for me to comfort one friend who is Termanally Ill over another. the answer is simple- because the one I love the most-

hurts the most. so its harder for me to deal with.

Emotions: Will I cry when she is gone,yes I will, not because she is gone, but because

I loved her.

WE think it doesnt matter if we tell them we love them, we cant stop Death by saying it,

but we tend to forget its comforting the person to know we love them.

How am I supose to let go?

I can stop talking to Rebecca

I can ignore her

I can just walk away and forget she ever existed

Maybe Im not supose to:

I will open up to her and share my feelings, my thoughts, and emotions.

and most of all; I will pray for Rebecca.

One final note: the Demon the Bottle is unopened, and put away , I dont need the

drink now. I am stronger than that..............................