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ripldm1luvmedford 
4:11pm, October 1, 2009
well.... her goes nothen..... my name is jordan medford, my husband Brandon and I... lost our 3 month 6day old daughter ,Lynae Dee'Ann Medford, on August 2, 2008 to SIDS. At the time our daughter was born my husband was in a state jail prison, and at the time she died, he had not yet been released from the jail, so he couldnt even go to her funeral. He is home now and some days are better than others but i can barely maintain myself and he has a while nother level of pain b/c he feels even more so cheated on a life than I do. Our daughter was a miracle alone, b/c 2 months before i got pregnant with her we were told it was 99.9% chance i would NEVER have kids, my cervix was tilted and flipped backwards at on point. But i became pregnant with her shortly after he had to start his sentence in hopes he would be ohome when she turned 6 months old and we could start over with our family, but our plans did not make it that far. Me and Brandon are still together thank the Good Lord above, but our family and home feels so empty without our precious angel there.... at nights sometimes i wake up and i still hear her crying! i Swear i question if i am loosing my mind sometimes or is this normal? There are some days that i have wonderful thoughts and memories of her and then some days when i wake up with her lil face on my mind the way she looked at her funeral, and i am devestated all over again. I guess what i am wanting to know is.... is how i am feeling normal? and how should i deal with the nights i cant sleep and have these horrible visions or hear her cry at night? I dont want my husband to think i am absolutely insane.... i mean he didnt really get to hear her cry so it couldnt haunt him right? well haunt sounds so bad... but u get the point.... i just want to know is there a normal way to act..... and will i hear these things forever because it does make me feel crazy.... i miss her so much.... that sometimes i dont know if i can keep going. well it feels better to let a little of that out so maybe this was a good idea...... i just needed the support of others who can truely feel my pain!
thanks for reading!
Lynae's Mommy
Jordan Medford
Comments
Hi Jordan. My name is Wanda, I lost my daughter Lindsey on April 9, 2009. I'm not exactly sure what "normal" is when it comes to losing a child. I do know that I feel the same way as you. I wake up and hear my daughter crying also. I don't think you are losing your mind at all, you are just grieving and missing your daughter. Everyone I have talked to says that they heard/hear their child crying too. I feel terribly that your husband didn't get to be with his daughter for the short time she was here. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm here if you'd like to talk! HUGS to you.
wandersjewell
I agree...I don't think that there is any sense of "normal". I know that my husband and I's normal has become anything to get through the current minute and make it to the next. It is like sometimes you actually even have to think to breathe. I lost my Audrey on March 10, 2009 at the age of 7 months and 24 days. I hear her cry in my sleep...I'll be sititng and hearing her little babble and her sweet mama...I don't think it is crazy...it is grieving and it is our angels letting us know that they are near.
armmom
Yea I dont understand why she is gone and i know that i never will but one thing i do is we, the mothers of angels, will never be alone, little things happen all day and night to remind me that my angel is with me..... all kinds of stuff some people would say its weird or freaky but honestly i find it comforting in a way, to know that i am not alone b/c my baby is still with me! i miss her so much though..... id do ANYTHING to have her back!
ripldm1luvmedford