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ripldm1luvmedford 
4:11pm, October 1, 2009
Well I am having major life problems.... Everything is falling apart.And i am so lost and confused. On August 2, 2008 I lost my daughter...(this Sunday marks one year) I lost my mind then and feel like I havent gotten it back. Well my husband was in prison when she was born and when she passed away so they never really got to bond so it seems like this is not affecting him at all. We recently got a vehicle after not having one for a long time, and now he is never home, i have found girls numbers in his phone and his pockets. I called one girl and she said he has been coming to her house alot trying to get with her. So I packed my stuff and was ready to leave. We have been together almost 7 years and he has cheated on me, repeatedly, ...since hes been out of prison almost one year, he has been doing good. He is clinically mentally disabled, he has a attitude disorder. He has hit me a few times when we fight, things can sometimes get pretty scarey. Now, he is just completely dis respecting me. He isnt caring about my feelings, he doesnt care that I am faithful to him; he says he is faithful to me he just talks to other girls to get there money!!! I MEAN WHAT IS THAT!!! so basically i am just needing support. I want to leave him but I have been with him since I was 13 and i feel like i have put my whole life into this, and it hurts so bad to walk away! But I cant take this, this weekend is so sos so hard for me already, i dont even know if i can get through that. Muchless get through moving out and dealing with the way I am being treated. I just feel like giving up!!!!!!
Comments
TODAY..... HAS BEEN A BAD DAY FOR ME. MY HUSBAND HAS 3 OTHER KIDS 2 BOYS BY ONE WOMAN AND ONE GIRL BY ANOTHER THE LITTLE GIRL IS IN WISCONSIN SO WE NEVER SEE HER. THE BOYS ARE IN FORT WORTH WHICH IS 3 HOURS AWAY SO WE RARELY SEE THEM BECUASE THERE MOTHER STILL WANTS TO BE WITH MY HUSBAND AND SINCE SHE IS SO CHILDISH, SHE WONT ALLOW HIM TO SEE THEM IF HE IS WITH ME AND NOT HER, SO HE JUST DOESNT SEE THEM. WELL I NEVER TALK TO THIS GIRL I JUST GO WITH THE FLOW AND TAKE WHAT SHE SAYS LIKE A GRAIN OF SALT, WELL IT WAS ALL GOOD... UNTIL SHE TOOK IT UPON HER SELF TO PUT ON HER "MYSPACE STATUS" THAT HER "SPERM DONORS WIFE IS A BABY KILLING BITCH"...WELL OF COURSE YOU ALL KNOW OR CAN AT LEAST IMAGINE HOW THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL SO I WENT OFF, THEN I CRIED IT HURTS THAT ANYONE WOULD THINK THAT OF ME! EVEN IF IT IS SOMEONE SO STUPID AS HER.... I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE SITUATIONS OR WHAT TO SAY, MY HUSBAND OF COURSE IF FURIOUS, AND SAID SOME THINGS TO HER... BUT NOW HE CAN NEVER SEE HIS KIDS PROBABLY, I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HER OR WHAT SHE SAID.... CAN ANYONE HELP?
Comments
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That is just so wrong...I think that what she wants is you to act all crazy and defend yourself...and you know thta you didn't do anything wrong so I would most likely just try to ignore her...and talk about a bi**h...sounds like she has some major trouble with that!
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Oh, I am so sorry! It's bad enough that you probably feel guilty and that it is your fault, but for someone else to say it like, especially for everyone on myspace to read it, Oh, I'd be pissed, and driving to Fort Worth!!! That is just way wrong! Yeah, I agree with Audrey's mommy, just ignore that crazy B! I'm sorry about that, there is no reason anyone should say that about you!!!!
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wow- i am so sorry that your family has to deal withsomeone like that- i feel bad for the kids- that they have to be exposed to that awful behaviour.
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It is a shame she is using her children like that. Very sad for the kids. First thing I would do is not go on her My Space. You don't need to be upset like that and she probably knew you or your husband would read it. How can she keep the kids from him? There should be court papers in place with visitation. I can't believe some women use their children for leverage and then call themselves mothers.
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she wouldnt ever put him on child support because she new he would get visitation. The ast i heard on this situation she called a few weeks ago and told him that she wanted us to all meet in Kilgore on the 8th because shes realized that she has been a CHILDISH MOTHER so she calls herself, i cal her a worthess mother.... but anywho... and wants to try to come to some form of agreement to et him see his kids. So the family agreed but now under the circumstances i probaby will not go. hopefully i will be strong enough to eab him sooner than later
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To update everone on this, I am planning to leave and get out of this situation, i have made a plan where i should be safe and get out without to much confusion. It now is him holding the kids over my head since she said he cant see them if he is with me. I love these children, because they are children, but i doo not have to see them. And they both know this. So now he is being abusie to me because i am mad because for him to see his kids he has to pick up the kids AND the mother and spend the day with all 3 as a family, and i dont like that. and wont like it. Am i wrong for feeling like this?
I was wondering if anyone has ANY poems or knows where to find some that i can give to my husband from our angel... i am having such a hard time writing one, and i write poems! and i sure cant find one anywhere... so i thought... maybe yall know where to get some.... well let me know!
Past Entries
| June 2009 |
Monday, 6/15
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Saturday, 6/13
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I'm so sorry sweetie. I wish I knew what to say to you. I think you deserve a man that will treat you like a princess, but I know it's hard to end something that you've been involved with for a long time. Be strong and do what's best for you.
wandersjewell
im trying to do whats best, my heart KNOES i need to leave him for good, my my mind is holding on to him, i guess i may be scared of change, all i know is him since 2003 we have been together, i know what i have to do its just so so so hard
ripldm1luvmedford
Honey, you deserve better than this! You have been through this worst tragedy a mother can and you deserve this person's support. I don't care how long you have been with him...you deserve better treatment. Where is your family? If I were your mother I would be getting you out of this situation as quickly as possible. You do not stay with someone who hits you. Please sweetie get out before the situation gets worse.
nanny99
my mom lives in the same town and she is trying so hard to get me to move back home, she has came and picked me up numerous times and he sweet talks me and im stupid so i go right back, i KNOW that i know that i know that this is seriously dangerous for me and i know i need to leave but my emotions are like a roller coaster and i feel like a yo-yo going up and down up and down. so i just go back, because it feels normal i guess. And i know everything everyone says is true, i do need to leave. I know my daughter is looking at me saying mommy dont stay here, leave!!! take care of yourself!! and it is killing me because i just feel like i dnt have the strength to make it without him, and i dont know why i feel that way i just do.... and i want to leave, but when i am away form him it hurts so bad, but it also hurts so bad to be with him. So the truth is, i guess i am scared to leave...he says ill be nothing without him, and i feel he might be right. I mean i lost my daughter, i guess i wasnt good enough to be a mommy, so what am i good enough to be.... i just feel so so so ussed and confused and hurt...
ripldm1luvmedford
Honey, this guy is controlling you and of course you are weak. Your heart is broken from the loss of your sweet baby. This guy is keeping you down so he can control you. He is playing on your weakness...your grief. You had nothing to do with the death of your daughter. I can look at her picture and tell she was happy and healthy. You are young and smart and have endless opportunities waiting for you out in the world...but there are no opportunities in the house you live in. Just the same put downs, cheating and abuse. Believe me he will continue to hold you down because that makes him feel better about himself. Make the right decision for you and for the memory of your sweet baby. You are a strong woman and with the help of your family you can achieve anything. You have survived the loss of a child on your own. Let the yo-yo fall to the ground and let the guy go with it.You say you don't have the strength to make it with out him...honey you already have. He is not there for you. Gather your inner strength. Go home. Start a new life you can be proud of. Sending you love and hugs and strength.
nanny99
I promise you i want to leave from the deepest part of my soul i want to leave, but he keeps promising me never agin and i keep saying one more time, if i can get past one more time and just leave ill be OK. Once i finnay leave, i think i can stay away , but IDK because i have left before, and i go right back. He cries i ry and i give in. He is my weaknesss and i have to get the strength to let him go
ripldm1luvmedford
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful babygirl... I do agree with all the gals that are saying to leave- I know it's easier said than done.. I have been there before I met my hubby but try and think what is best for you and what would your daughter want??
-When I am confused of what to do I ask myself what would my lil girl want me to do ??
I think it's healthy to FINALLY think of yourself for a change and your needs- Happy to hear that your family wants you to move back with them.. I have never known any man that has cheated to never cheat again (it's an addiction)..
You really don't deserve this on top of all the other things that has happened..
Lots of hugs,
Michelle
Michelle2