tarantula's Journal

i need to have this feeling down in words. My body feels weak and shaky theres no strength in my arms writing this my hands are shaking and its a struggle not to just go and lie down until it wears off. All the energy has drained my body. My heart is racing. My breathing is heavy.I`m physicaly trembling all over. My head is aching and my mind feels cloudy and confused. My thoughts are trying to flit from one thing to another and its hard staying focused and remember why i`m writing this. There are no words to come out of my mouth. Feel dumb ...and numb. Does it feel nice ? NO I just want it to wear off so i can feel energy, motivation, conversation, no headache, strength back in my body and breathing easier. What is it i think is so good about feeling like this that i crave it so much when i dont have it ? Why am i so scared off the bad feelings that also come with reality ?