Journal

I just don't get it. I don't understand it at all. My husband has been calling me the last couple of days, just like once a day, but it's very casual talk. He'll also send me one or two texts that are also very casual....like "what are you doing" or "I hate my class right now," but he won't tell me that he loves me. I've been backing off and letting him be because I didn't want to push him even further away from me. I don't understand tho, why he just won't tell me he loves me when we hang up the phone??? This really bothers me, I said it first tonight and he like barely murmured it into the phone afterwards...it's like, yeah...that sounded like you meant it. Is this part of the depression. Is it true if you don't love yourself, you can't love anyone else?

 

Today wasn't so bad as to how my feelings have gone.  I still have some doubt as to whether or not our marriage is going to make it, and that scares me.  Knowing I may never have my real husband back scares me too.  A lot of things scare me right now.  I just want everything to be okay and there are no guarantees that that is going to happen.  I am trying to trust in God, but it is really hard.  I just hope he wants to change, obviously he does, because he is going to counseling and taking antidepressants, I just hope the counselor is able to help him.  With him being so stubborn, I am not qutie sure what is going to happen.  

I've been having my good days and my bad days.  The last couple of days I've been struggling.  I feel like my husband just doesn't care about the situation we are in and I really don't feel like he loves me anymore.  I get even more frustrated because we have been separated for over four weeks and NOTHING has changed, it's almost like things have gotten worse.  I'm tired of him not calling me, not contacting me, and if he does see me it's like I mean nothing to him.  I'm so tired of dealing with this.  I wish he would just show me that he cares a little. I wish he would tell me again that he loves me and hold me in his arms.