xxzadyxx's Journal

I just realised how much drunk, messed up people, piss me off when I'm not one of them. Yet I had a good time with my Girlfriend, I love her, so much. She deserves better than me. I'm so scared of going to my Mother's house. I don't think I can make it through two weeks there without speedballing or at least getting strung out. I don't think I can make it through two weeks there without a suicide attempt, self mutilation, and drugs and alcohol galore. I guess I'll just deal. Everyone just deal's. So I just have to learn to stop fucking bitching.

-sidenote- Reasons I don't think I can make it:

-My Mother is just as mentally unstable as me, just not on medication for it.
-My Stepdad and I get in fist fights.
-I'm having my Birthday party, that my Mother planned, when I get there. My Brother's last birthday was a fucking coke (not the soda pop) party. I am scared shitless of what my party's going to be.
-All my dealers are their.
-My Mom doesn't believe in fucking medication so she takes it. I can't handle it. Without my antipsychotics, antidepressents, and sleepin' shit, I than flip the fuck out.

Just ugh..Sorry. I hate my life, but I deserve it. I'm going to stop whineing.