adler234639's Journal

Today I was depressed for no real reason. Today wasn’t a bad day or a good day. There are some work things that I know will be a problem tomorrow, but that is not what bothers me. I just feel bad.

Maybe it does bother me some what that I did promise something I am sure I can not do.

However it is not my main concern. I am not sure how to explain how I feel, I just feel bad.

Earlier today I saw that one girl at the gym I want to at lease talk to. She smiled at me and I had a panic attack. Does she think I am some idiot now? I do not know what to do!

I ran into the bathroom for 10 minutes and when I was able to control myself again she wasn’t in sight. I think I freaked her out and maybe now she will never talk to me.

Maybe dating will never work for me? I can’t even go to supermarkets any more without freaking out. And even worse I have found it hard going to the gym, I love going so much. I am not good at any sport but if I try then people are nice to me. Some people still call me walo (white guy) but it does seem ingest. I play Das Beste (Silbermond) in my mine most of the day or night wishing for that life.

I am lost. Does nothing happen? I only want to hold some one’s hand and exchange looks into each other’s eyes. I only want to not be alone.