sonyahaley's Journal

I hate this feeling! This uneasiness. The knots in my stomach. The shakey hands. The constant worry. Ugh. It's exhausting!

Frances had the girls lastnight and she has them tonight. Why did I ever agree to two nights?! Sometimes I think that I am way too caring and way too agreeable! I always try to make everyone happy. Of course, I want the girls to be safe. I think they are safe for now; otherwise, I wouldn't have sent them. Frances has been on her best behavior with the girls. But, I miss them. I want them home. I don't like the influence she has on them. I just want her and Jesse to be okay too. I feel like it is my responsibility to keep everyone safe and well. What I need to realize is that the girls are my first responsibility. Well, I know this. I just... I dont know. My coworker is always telling me that I have a Messiah complex-- I want to save everyone. I disagreed for the longest time. Perhaps he is right. I do want to save everyone. I want everything to be okay with everyone. It really bothers me to think of Robin and that I hope for her to mess things up. Why would I ever hope that she start doing srugs again?! How demented am I? My job is to help people like Robin-- to help them get on their feet and establish a life. How immoral is it to now change all that I have ever beleived? Is this for my own sake or for the girls!?

Anyway, I feel like crap. I agreed to let Frances hae some time with the girls. She hadn't had them for a couple of weeks. She came to see them at my house and stayed FOREVER! She tried to help Sonya with her homework and yelled at her the entire time that her answers were wrong, when, Frances was the one who was wrong. I had to reteach Sonya everything once Frances left. Things went well with the girls there last night. There were no issues at all. Frances called me to say that she heard that the cops were just called on Robin for dealing drugs. She even left the room to tell me so that the girls couldn't hear. So, the issue is that Frances is secretly planning to fight for the girls. She has been telling several people of her plans. The girls' old foster mom called me a couple of nights ago to ask what is going on. Apparently, Frances called her and asked her to testify on her behalf. Of course, she is not and she told Frances that. She is on mine and Tim's side. and there have been others. Well, Frances was cut off of her state assistance. There was a big deal made about that. They found out she was receiving funds while the girls were with us and so she has to pay them back. SHe threw a fit because I wouldnt lie and write a letter saying that she gave us the money. So, she was upset becasue we said we would help her and we arent. Even though we've allowed her to keep Haley's disability check. I now think that is illegal, so we are changing that. So, Frances claims that she needs the money to buy food and pay bills. However, since her funding was cut, she has been buying all kinds of clothing and toys and sending them to my house and she has been giving money to the girls to go out and eat, etc. I wasnt sure what to do. I tried to look at her as I would look at my mom. What would I do if my mom were doing these things for the girls. Well, I would let her. So, I let the girls take the money and I let her send stuff. Tim and I decided after we talkedwith the foster mom, that we would put a stop to it. Frances is trying to prove that she still provides for the girls. By giving money and buying things for them, she can prove this. So, we told her to stop. Haley has a feild trip this Thursday. Frances said she would provide the money for it. I told her no and that I could give Haley money. Well, Frances went to the school today and took the money to the office and made a big deal about how Haley really wants to be with her and if she goes to her classroom, she will cry to go home with her. Well, the school called me bc they know that Frances is not to be going there and seeing the girls. I told them to send it back in Haley's folder along with the permission slips to be resigned by me. Apparently they did so, cause Frances called my cell yelling about it. Im at work, so I didnt answer. I dont answer her many calls while at work. So, now I am ugh. Tim and I have decided that girls will not be going to stay with Frances anymore. She can see them at our house. We might allow them to visit for a couple of hours on evening, but no more than that. We havent told Frances this yet. We are waiting until the girls are back with us tomorrow. We've been trying to play nice so that Frances will help us in court, but we have to look at the best interest of the girls. The best interest at this point is to not be with her! So, I am sure we are in for a fight, but I dont care. Im ready to fight. Frances is not getting the girls back and neither is Robin.

Please, just continue to pray for us. We are all so stressed! Thank you!