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Buradi 
3:42pm Yesterday
I wrote three poems last night and thought I'd share them.
Defected
I am defected,
Different,
Incapable
Of ordinary tasks.
I can't cry.
I attended the viewing,
Funeral,
And burial
Of someone I'd grown up with.
I was completely
Devoid
Of tears.
I have flashbacks,
Horrible ones,
With tremendous pain.
My eyes are dry as a desert.
Nightmares
That I wake from,
Screaming,
Don't call up a single
tear.
I can't cry.
I can't allow myself to vomit.
I cannot pull up a child's pants.
I can't eat watermelon.
I can't wear a bikini.
I cannot sleep at my grandma's house.
I am a failure at life.
I do not deserve to live.
Shredding Paper
I feed the paper to the shredder,
Feeding, feeding.
As the paper is shredded into a million pieces,
I grin.
I feel delight,
Amazement,
Power,
A wicked sort of joy,
As I destroy,
Shred,
Maul
The paper.
Such delight.
Such delicious joy.
What is wrong with me
That I get my joy,
My sense of power
And control
From this,
The destruction
And shredding
Of paper?
The Price To Be Paid
I sit in your lap, rigid, shivering,
Your hands in my lap, moving.
I feel your happiness beneath me,
The price to pay for this loved feeling.
The others leave to go shopping,
Knowing not what they do.
You grin and take my hand.
My punishment is due.
To scream or cry out is horrible.
To cry or to beg or to flee is a sin.
To vomit is the worst of them all,
The "end" has to be held in.
Into the bathtub we go,
The water boiling all around.
All evidence scrubbed away.
No DNA proof can be found.
By your side, I lay,
In a bed that I no longer trust.
As you dream, I am awake
As I am fearing your lust.
Comments
All you need is an outcry, hunny. You don't have to have DNA evidence to prove anything. You just need to make an outcry. An outcry is when you tell an authority figure about what has happened and is still happening to you. like maybe your school counselor. Or a teacher that you trust. When he scrubbed away the DNA proof....he was just trying to make you think that you were helpless to do anything.
But I promise you. You can. IT does'nt matter how long ago it happened, either. Remember, our abusers will do and say anything to make us feel helpless to stop it. You can still make your outcry....even if it happened 2,3 5 10 years ago. I know all about it, because I have been there. Make your OUTCRY....please...someone in authority that you trust. do it when none of your family is around. Even your principle. Just take a deep breath...and make your outcry.
glad2be
(((Hugs)))
Bluedrmr
here's a poem for you. I just wrote it.
I Take My Peace
You take it from me
when I need it most
I take it back
in secret- I'm a ghost
All the times you made me fall
to my knees, I took it all.
But now I stand
when you can't see.
I tell them all
what you did to me.
From my fingers
my story unfolds.
Now my friends know
all the lies that you told.
My life is not easy
you make it hard.
But I take my peace
on this lonely boulevard.
glad2be
Great poems! You should definately tell someone if the acts in your THE PRICE TO BE PAID poem is still going on. Its going to be tough but the person who is doing this to you is deserving of it. Thank you for sharing :)
krystinemalave