missina's Journal

Today was kind of a mixed day. I went to church this morning and didn't eat breakfast. Not a good idea, I know but I usually do that on sundays. I was hungry at church but did not have any of the refreshments. In fact the communion cracker and juice was enough to stave off the hunger. After church I had promised my mom and bro to bring them some kabobs that we barbecued yesterday, so I did. I still hadn't eaten. They had an open bag of chips, one of my favorite kinds. I thought I was going to reach in and grab some, but I didn't. I passed it up and didn't look back. Quite a change from a month ago. It was about 3:00 before I got around to lunch. I really wanted a bbq hot dog, but I didn't want to light the grill for one hot dog and if I went to the store to get hot dogs and had to light the grill, I knew I would cook the whole pack, then I would sneak hot dogs all night. What I finally did was I went to DQ (I haven't been to fast food places in quite a while). I decided to allow myself one hot dog and one small cone. I felt good about it because I was making a conscious choice to allow myself a little treat. I wasn't being driven by an insane need to eat. (and I didn't have a soda or fries).  For dinner I had a homemade hanburger(double patty with cheese). If it wasnt for that my caloric intake probably would have been pretty good. I don't count calories, but I am aware of which foods are high calorie and try to make good choices. I did cook the patties on a G Foreman grill, so that might have helped some.  I also had a snack of 2 whole wheat pop tarts and v8 fusion juice. So my caloric intake was pretty high I think, but I made some good choices too. I did take time to really taste my food and note the flavors and textures, which is something I'm working on because I tend to gulp food, so that was good. Passing up the chips was good. I did my exercise and am still going to do some more, and that's good. I am making progress. That's what's most important. I will be there soon. When I finally get my surgery i will be ready to make the most of it. I couldn't do it without the support of all you wonderful people at DS. You get me through each day. When I see others going through the same struggles, it really encourages me. I know I'm not just some freak that can't control what I eat, and also that it's not hope less.