frustratedbutcurious

Close Asperger Syndrome

Relationship with an Aspie man recently ended. Looking to understand him better and cope with the differences.

Close Breakups & Divorce

My most significant relationship just ended. I tried everything to keep us together, we separated in March and split in April. We finally gave up trying to understand what is happening at the end of May and I'm only just now starting to accept that it might really be over.

Treatments

Couples Counseling Not Working

We had an awful counsellor. She offered very little actual advice, really just lit the fuse and refereed our arguments. Told us that my partner had more going on in his life and didn't need me. Spent most of the sessions talking about "endings".

Forgiveness Not Working

I stayed open to the possibility of a reconciliation between us right up until he started a relationship with someone else. He remains utterly convinced he did nothing wrong in the whole relationship and is unwilling to compromise on anything.

Leave Somewhat Helpful

We separated, which helped somewhat, although that turned into a split. I went away for a couple of weeks to get my head together, that helped enormously. Side effects of separation were that we stayed in touch which only muddied the water. He used me for emotional support, which I found confusing, and prevented me from moving on.

Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful

I went into counselling looking for emotional support when he withdrew emotionally and I went into crisis due to both him and work. I couldn't cope with juggling his problems and supporting him when he wasn't prepared to support me with my work issues. That was 6 sessions of CBT. Since we split I've started to see a psychotherapist on an open-ended basis, which I am finding helpful.

Reading Working / Worked

I'm reading every book I can lay my hands on. It's helping me to understand the dynamics of our relationship and where we went wrong. It is helping me to understand myself better. On the downside it is preventing me from giving up entirely on him and moving on.

Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked

My family and friends have been great.

Talking Somewhat Helpful

We met on average once a week for the whole of the separation and 5 weeks after the split. We talked a lot and emailed. It kept a channel open between us which almost led to a reconciliation, but it also was very painful and made the whole process last longer than it might have done if we'd simply made a clean break. It has damaged any chance of remaining friends as the more we talked the more we fought. It destroyed any residual good feelings we had towards each other.