texasblues66's Journal

I have just come out of the hospital after a month long stay. I woke up about a month ago in the middle of the night I hurt really bad and there was nothing new in that as most of you know, so I did what I have always done I stood up to walk around the house...... then it happened I stood up and lost all feeling in my body from the waist down actually from the belly button down and fell to the floor I layed there for four hours until I got the feeling baqck I was terrified. I called the Surgeon in the morning and he got me in the next day. When he saw me he knew there was something wrong and admitted me into the hospital to do some tests starting with a myleogram. The next day they took me for the myleogram and everything was going well until they injected the dye and then bang I lost all feeling from the waist down and they had to catch me. Next they did a ct scan and then the doc said look we cant find anything wrong with where the problems have been we are going to look higher and they did another CT scan at the thoracic level and there they found the problem. I have psoriatic arthritis ( which loves the spine) it is the evil twin to rhumetoid arthritis anyway the psoriatic arthritis had self fused T11-T12-and L-1 apparently when I fell it broke and caused bone fragments into my nerve canal. Becuase of how bad my back is the Drs. all of them dont feel there is any surgicval option at all as they fear if they go in now, they will end up fusing every level of my spine as they fear the domino effect. After 8 days in the hospital I was transferred to a rehab hospital for two weeks, where I was fitted for an electric wheelchair and they worked on getting me walking again. I can walk about 10-15 feet but the Drs. prefer that I dont they want me to use the chair for anything greater than 15 feet my home is an example where I can walk and keep the chair in the back of my Suburban but when we go out as a family I use the chair. Additionally since I have been home I have been falling alot. So I have gone from looking for a reason to live as my main goal when I joined here to what the hell could I possibly want to go on with life in a wheelchair for? I have recieved so many prayers and nice messages and prayers and I love you all for that but I am getting to the point where I think it is almost time to take matters into my own hands..... I go from 10 back surgeries and walk for almost ten years to waking up in the middle of the night and in a wheelchair literally over night REALLY? My life is now seriously worthless.