Journal

So braydon turned 3 weeks old thursday, wow it doesnt seem like its been that long since he's been home. Seems like just yesterday I was going into the hospital to be induced. I really love being a mom, its the most rewarding thing I could have ever done. (=

On another note, my second to last visit at my ob/gyn, in october I was called to the back and had the usual done. Then before i left they sent me to this little room where this woman gave me an envelope that had a date and time on it and some papers inside. She said it was for a follow up pap-smear at a different hospital since they didn't do them there, I asked if anything was wrong and she said it was nothing to worry about.

Yesterday, I noticed a mole near my thigh that had doubled in size, but I couldnt get a good look at it so I asked my mom to make sure it wasn't changing colors or anything. So she looked at it and said it looked fine and then asked when my appointment was at the hospital for the follow up papsmear, so I pulled out the envelope and realized that i had no idea what the papers said inside, so I pulled them out (since I wasn't told i couldnt look at them) and it was a little piece of paper from a prescription pad stappled to a larger piece of paper. The prescription paper said HPV and/or Mild Dysplasia. Which shocked me because i had no idea anything was wrong, i was told all my paps came back normal, and no one gave me any hint that anything could have been wrong at all. I looked it up and mild dysplasia has to do with abnormal cells on the surface of the cervix, which can be caused by HPV, and can turn into cervical cancer. It also said it could get better on its on since its a mild case, but I just want to know why i wasnt informed? I have to go for a colposcopy on the 18th, which after reading up on it even though they say its not painful it still seems kind of scary. I'm freaking out, I don't know what to do. I thought everything was going so great and now it feels like its falling apart. I don't know what i would do if i found out I had HPV or cervical cancer.

I am sooo excited. Since I had Braydon I've only been able to hold him maybe 10 times. After he'd been at the hospital with me for a couple hours, the Ped. Nurse came in to check on him and noticed he had an 'irregular heartbeat'. So she took him away to be check on by the doctor on call, from there they came to my room and told me there were going to have to take him to another hospital because the one i delivered at did not have a NICU (What kind of hospital that had L&D Does NOT have a NICU?). Anyway, I had to stay in the hospital that entire time without seeing my baby, it was so hard. Then I was sent home without him, which was even harder. Its like you go through all that work and you leave empty handed.

They had him on a haulter moniter to check his heart the first 24 hours he was there, and yet they still haven't got the results back because the normal doctor just suddenly left town. So all i can do is wait for them to get the results back, go see him when i can, and listen to them tell me about how well he's doing. At first they said his heart was missing beats and slowing down when he slept, but after a day or two it evened out. So thats really good news, he's also eating a good bit, last night he ate 110cc's! I was like "whoa" and he's gained 4oz (= I called today and they said there's a chance if they get the results in that he'll be able to come home today or tomorrow. I'm so excited! I miss my son sooo much. It's so crazy how when the first time you meet your baby it's like automatic emotions. You just know that its your job to protect and care for this little human being. And not being able to see him all the time is doing a job on me, I've been having trouble sleeping and waking up every 3 hours. Ughh I'm just ready to see my little man!

Just for the record, before you go any further I was induced AND had an epidural, so if you have any kind of problem with that or feel the need to tell me I'm lucky so and so didn't happen please feel free to hit the 'back' button. I think I did what was best for my baby and I, and later on in the story you can understand why if I hadn't have been induced Thursday morning at 12am, there's a good chance i wouldn't be a mommy right now.

Anyway..On with the story!

As most of you know, I was going to be induced on Wed night/Thursday Morning at 12am. I was really excited but also really nervous because for one I'm scared to take any kind of medicine, seriously, I won't even take a tylenol unless I'm in A LOT of pain. So the thought of taking pitocin or any other kind of medicine made me kind of light headed.

My Mom, Dad, Josh And I got to the hospital around 11:50pm. By this time i was chewing my nails down to the nubs because i knew there was really no turning around at this point, this was basically ground zero. I figured there was no way I would be able to escape so I might as well just bite the bullet and go for it. So we grabbed my bags and went into the L&D part of the hospital to find out where I'd be staying for the night. As soon as they got me into a room (Which was SUPER nice, it didnt even look like a hospital room) I started getting really nervous because I knew I was only a couple minutes away from getting an I.V, which I hate. I also mentioned to the nurse that my veins were kind of tiny so it would probably be easier if she used a smaller needle she said "we'll see" and went to get the stuff to get me hooked in. She came back with a bag of pitocin, a bag of saline and a needle (which looked really big) and started trying to find a vein in my hand, and just as I had said, she found one and it blew. It actually took them 6 times (I'm not exaggerating) 4 different nurses and a smaller needle to find a vein to get the I.V started. By the time i was hooked up to everything it was around 2am I guess.

I had already expected I wouldnt get any sleep that night because I was so excited, plus I knew it wouldnt be long until my contractions started getting really bad. It actually went a lot smoother than I thought, instead of hard contractions hitting me ALL at once, they started out small and mild and gradually increased over the hours. I had decided before i went into the hospital that I was not getting the epidural until i was at least 4cm. Mostly because i had heard it can slow your labor down and I wanted to be able to say that I had actually been in labor and i knew what a contraction felt like.

 By 7am, the contractions were coming a long pretty good and pretty painful. Not like 'unbearbly' painful but painful none the less. I decided to ask the nurse to check me to see how far I was so just incase I wanted the epidural I would know where i stood. She checked me and told me I was at a 5. Which kind of shocked me because like I said the contractions hadnt really been THAT bad. So i asked her about the epidural and 5 minutes later a lady came in to talk to me about it. I signed the papers and said i'd ask for it when i was ready.

I was still a little bit scared of the epidural because I didn't know what really to expect, but I do believe that at one point about 15 minutes later and I was hit with a very hard contraction followed by another one in just a matter of a minute and I can remember saying "I don't care if it friggin kills me, I want the epidural". Before the N.A could even get in the room it felt like my contractions were one on top of the other, I was in some major pain but somehow I managed to breath through it and not to scream or cry. I was trying my best to be a trooper.

So after about 10 minutes of waiting, I'd say around 7:45, they came in to give me my epidural and I could not have been more happier to see that needle. I know it seems really scary for the women out there who have never had one but it's really not THAT bad. When you're having back contractions constantly and youre breaking out in a cold sweat that needle is nothing. So if you're thinking about getting one, i'd say go for it (= Anyhoo, they numbed me up which they said was going to feel like a pin prick but at the same time as they were giving it to me I was contracting so I didn't really feel it. They had me lean forward and push out my back like a 'mad cat' (aha) and then they poked around and inserted the needle which felt like a little bit of pressure. Then they gave me the test dose and asked me if i heard any ringing, tasted anything weird or if my feet got hot. I told them no and they got finished setting me up. When she gave me the first dose of medicine it felt like someone poured ice water down my back and then i noticed my contractions were kind of fading away. Ahhhh it was great. I was so proud of myself for actually waiting until i was half way there to get it, and for just getting it in general because i had been worrying about it since i found out i was pregnant.

At 8:15 am the nurse came back in to check me again, when she told me i was at an 8 my mouth dropped open. I thought i was only supposed to dilate 1-2cm an hour and I had dilated 3. I was so excited! I asked her when she thought the baby was going to be here and she said he'd be here around 10 most likely. She then told me that she had noticed the baby's heart beat and it looked irregular so instead of using an external moniter she wanted to use an internal one. She said to do that she would have to break my water and that she'd already called my doctor and he said it was fine because he was on his way.

When she broke my water I straight up felt like I had wet my pants. I was always scared I wouldn't know what it was if it ever broke, but I'm almost possitive now that i would have. 25 minutes later, i was checked again and she said i was fully dilated and ready to push. Once again, SHOCKED. I said "What? I don't feel pressure, how do i push? I can't feel anything" She told me not to worry she would walk me through it. She got everything ready and asked who i wanted to stay with me. I chose my Mom & Josh because those were pretty much the only two people who had ever seen me naked that was at the hospital with me. aha.

At 8:45am I started pushing, at first i couldnt feel anything then I noticed whenever she would tell me to push I would feel this weird stingy/crampy pain on the right side of my lower back. It actually scared me because I realized that the contractions were actually breaking through my epidural, I couldn't imagine what they would have felt like if I hadn't have had one. So i pushed for about 15 minutes and she said he was about to come up under my pubic bone and to stop because she was going to get the doctor. The doctor came in, suited up and 13 minutes later our baby boy was in the world.

Josh and I just teared up and he kept saying "thats our baby boy! Thats him!" and I was like "OH MY GOSH LEMME SEE HIM". It was the greatest moment ever. I will never forget what he sounded like when he was crying for the first time. It was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard.

While they were cleaning him up, my doctor pulled on my cord a little bit and told me to look down, there was what they call a 'true knot' tied in the middle of the cord. He said that if it had been pulled any tighter Braydon would have been a still born, he also had the cord wrapped around his neck. I'm SO happy I didn't see that because i seriously would have lost it.

All in all, my pregnancy and my labor weren't really THAT bad. I barely ached the entire time i was pregnant up until the last 2 weeks. And my labor only lasted technically 7 hours because I didn't start on the drip until 2am, so with pushing it was a total of 7 1/2 hours. I was scared this entire time for nothing. The pain wasn't really that bad, but I wanted to be comfortable and be able to relax and honestly i think thats why i dilated so fast. I did have to have an episiotomy, but eh thats life. It doesnt hurt really, just more stings and thats only when I cough or I try to get up. But it's not bad. My back where I got my epidural is sore, but once again I didn't expect it not to be, lol.

I would do it over, and over, and over, and over again (= 

So thats my labor & Delivery story, sorry its so long!