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saskiam13 
When do you stop crying over a lost love.
When does your heart heal.
I am so tired of being tired and sad and alone.
I am even beginning to bore myself who knows what I am doing to friends and family.
I am sick of this woe is me life but I cannot seem to break free.
I feel that if I started to scream I may never stop.
blah blah blah
I am finding things so very very hard.
I am missin ghim more than I ever have - I have been good though and not contacted him but it is taking all of my strength.
Oh to be back in his loving arms - but then I remeber all the pain and worry and at least now I feel free if a little sad.
Another day goes by and my heart aches less.
Comments
I am finding things hard at the moment.
I am missing him so very much.
Deep breaths
Past Entries
Oh please know that as each day goes by things will get a teensie tiny bit better, a little more each day. True time goes by slowly when you are looking for comfort and there seems to be none near. He has made his choice and it is the drugs, not you! My ex made his choice not once not twice not 3X but 7!!! I left him over and over again, knowing I was doing the right thing each time. Yet finding the lonliness so hard to bear. I chose to believe him each time he swore things were different, and cried harder every time I realized that he had not learned nor grown nor changed at all!! I still love him but I am truly happier alone. I have given up the financial security of my future and my house, I have had to literally had to start over with nothing, but I am so proud of myself!! He made his choice, and it wasn't me. I, just like YOU deserve to be treasured and loved, really LOVED...not when it's convienent, but always. Pleas hang tough and know that you are not alone. If you ever need to unload, I am here!! Sandy
sandralee3
Thank you for your reply. It has made me feel stronger. He did make his choice and it was the drugs - part of me thought that he would fight for me as he said "I am the love of his life" but there has been no effort.
He writes to me every now and then but I can read between the lines and I am sure that he is still using. Thank you for letting me know that the feelings I am having are no so out of the ordinary. We should be proud of ourselves for breaking free. It is like I am coming out of an addiction myself.
saskiam13
BUT ITS STILL HARD BECAUSE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS BROKEN. YOU KEEP THINKING IF ONLY THIS AND THAT. AND YOU ALWAYS WONDER WHY DIDNT THEY JUST WANT A NORMAL LIFE? ITS VERY SAD.... HUGS TO YOU
nightfalls1968
I know how you feel. I am finding things hard at the moment. My Mother made a good comment this morning as I sat in the garden in tears (again). She said that I have give so much of my energy to helping him and keep things going, that now I am out of the situation my sub concience still feels like I should be doing something. Its almost like because I have been in such a dark place with him its like I will not allow myself to be happy. Its boring but I guess I just need time to heal and go through all the emotions I need to. But day by day I feel a little stonger. I want my life back.
saskiam13