Journal

I have no idea what would bring me joy.

I've had several offers that I thought would bring me joy.

-My in-laws offered to buy us a brand new cheap car.

-My in-laws offered to buy us an expensive used car.

-My friend offered to allow me to use his trailer and other tools-(good ones)-not the cheap shit I have.

-A friend is fixing my laptops for free.  I don't have to tell you how much of a savings that is.  He is a professional.

-My boys have been wonderful.

-My pets have been great.

I just keep thinking how I don't want to exist.  I'm not going to kill myself, I don't think but nothing is bringing me joy.

I would like my bathroom and kitchen updated.  Shit I'd like walls in my bathroom. 

All I want for Christmas is a good contractor.

I think this is one thing slowing me down.  I entered that kitchen and bath sweepstake.  Suprise-I didn't win. 

My bathroom is so small, I can't even find a contractor willing to finish it.  So I'm going on two years with a bathroom that keeps getting worse.

I don't like my husband's family.  Some of them have never accepted he married a black woman.  There are a few people I really like but they are attached to people I don't like.  I'm better off at home alone with a microwaveable meal.  I've invited another stay at home friend out to a restaurant, but I doubt if he will even come over for a microwaveable meal.

I'll be cutting 22inch squares out of my inlaws old floor padding.  I'm going to attach it to the barn as insulation.  I'll be free to work and get things accomplished.  Well its just like every other day but I will be completely alone for about five or six hours.

Oh well...