inmorghell's Journal

THE ANSWER 

WILL THIS SUFFERING EVER END FOR ME?ANTICIPATING WHAT EVIL DEED THE NEXT MOMENT WILL BRING

24 HOURS 7 DAYS A WEEK

WILL THIS PAIN EVER CEASE

SO MY LIFE CAN RETURN

 TO BE THE WAY IT USED TO BE 

WILL THIS HEARTACHE EVER  LEAVE OR

IS THIS SOMETHING TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND

WHAT ALL THIS LEADS TO,WHAT IT MEANS 

WHY AM I TESTED CONSTANTLY

TO THE LIMITS OF MY MIND-

TO LEARN THE PATIENCE I NEED

TO SEE THAT THINGS

 WILL TURN AROUND IN TIME

AND THAT LIFE COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE

 THAT THERE'S A SILVER LINING TO EVERYTHING

LEAVING IN THE DUST ALL PAST

AND EXISTING NEGATIVITYAFFECTING THE GRAVITY ENVELOPING ME?

IS ALL THIS TO PREPARE ME FOR WHEN IT'S TIME FOR MY SOUL TO LEAVE

FINALLY LEADING ME TO THE EPIPHANY

TO HELP ME FIND THE ANSWERS

TO MY PROBLEMS

LYING LOST WITHIN ME?

I'M REALIZING THAT

FINDING THESE ANSWERS

WILL HELP ME TO SEE

 THAT CHANGE IS THE ANSWER, IS THE KEY,

LEAVING THE WRONG PATHS I'VE TAKENBEHIND ME REVEALING THAT MY DESTINY

IS LEARNING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

TO DISTIGUISH WHATDECISIONS ARE BEST FOR ME

CAN THIS LEAD ME TO SELF-RESURRECTIONTO KILL MY SELF-PERSECUTION?

 THESE THOUGHTS-MY CROSSES TO BEAR

 WEIGH HEAVY ON MY MIND

WHEN I LAY DOWN AT NIGHT

EXHAUSTED BY THE EVERYDAY BATTLES I FIGHT HOPE AND PRAYER WERE MY MENTORS

AS A YOUNG GIRL

BUT  THIS NEW WORLD

IN WHICH I INVOLUTARILY EXIST

THOSE ONCE DETRIMENTAL MENTORS DON’T EXIST

IN MY HEART OR FAITH ANYMORE 

THIS EXPREIENCE OF MORGELLONS

AND LIFESOTHER TRIBULATIONS HAVE TRANSFORMED ME

FROM WEAK TO STRONG

BUT I NEVER FORGET WHAT IT’S LIKE

TO WANT TO GIVE UP CARRYING ON...... 

IT’S UP TO ME TO GET TO THE ALMOST UNREACHABLE PLACE INSIDE OF ME

ONCE EASILY ACCESSIBLE AS AN INNOCENT GIRL

BEFORE SHE WAS HARDENED BY THE GOVERNMENT

AND COLD UNCARING WORLD 

IF I CAN REACH INSIDE MY SOUL

TO FIND THE PATIENCE IN ME

SO THAT MY ESSENCE

OF ALL THAT I AM 

MAY COME BACK TOGETHER

WHEN RETURNING FROM THE JOURNEY

OF HEALING OVER TIME

SLOWLY KILLING THE FIBROUS

TOXIC SNAKES IN ME TO WHITHER AND DIE

WITH A SPARK WHILE WATCHING THEIR DUST

BLOWN INTO AN OBLIVION OF NOTHINGNESS

BY THE WISE OLD WIND,

NEVER TO RETURN.... 

 THEN I CAN AGAIN HEAR LIFE’S CLOCK TICK

LEADING ME TO THE A TIME WHERE UNHAPPPINESS DOESN'T EXIST, NOT EVEN A CONCEPT IN MY HEAD

AND THE THOUGHT OF EVER SHEDDING ANOTHER TEAR ALSO NOT EVEN A CONCEPT,

THEREFORE DOES NOT EXIST,

SO LONG AS MY SOUL EXISTS 

ALL BECAUSE I SAVED MY OWN SOUL

NOW AGAIN REGAINING THE ABILITYTO HANDLES UNSPEAKABLE TORMENTS THE WORLD

HAS ALWAYS ABUSEDME WITH

AND ALL BECAUSE I CHOSE

TO GROW STRONG FROM AWFUL EXPERIENCESINSTEAD OF WITHDRAW

INTO MY SELF CONSTRUCTED PRISON HELL BECAUSE I CHOSE TO REFUSE

TO GIVE THIS EVIL MY STRENGH

DOING THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN INVITIATION FOR LIFE TO BEAT ME DOWN AND INSTEAD GROW WEAK

NO NOT IN THIS EXISTENCE -NOT FOR ME

THAT HAS NEVER BEEN THE TYPE OF SOUL I AM

IN ORDER TO EVOLVE OUR TRUE SELVES

TO THE NEXT PLANE

IT IS IMPORTANT TO LEARN

TO LET GO LIFE’S ANGER, GRUDES

AND OTHER ELEMENTS OF DISDAIN

THAT FOR SO LONG MANY OF US FESTER INSIDE GIVING THEM THE POWER

TO MAKE US BITTER,OUR SOULS TO WITHER

AND DIE

 THIS I BELIEVE IS LIFE’S PLAN

OR IF YOU WILL “THE DESTINED PLAN OF MAN”TO HAVE LOVE IN OUR HEARTS

WITH OUR CONSCIOUSESS CLEAR

ALL ELSE WILL COME TOGETHER

TO BRING US ALL NEAR

THIS IS ALL WE EVER NEED

TO LEARN TO LEAVE THIS DIMENSION MORE WISE

AT LAST WITH A TRANQUIL SPIRIT

OUR SOULS FINALLY FREE. 

THIS IS OUR ANSWER, THIS IS OUR KEY....

I LOVE YOU ALL.