Journal

Kenny and I have been broken up for a month and a half.  It's crazy because I went through my own withdrawls from him being gone.  When he wasn't there anymore I knew he was my addiction.  I didn't know what to do with myself.  For over two years he has been my life.  I would call him all day everyday to check up on him.  I would worry constantly about what he was doing and who he was with.  I didn't realize how much of my life I gave up to try to help him or change him.  Then he went to rehab and we broke up.  At first I didn't know what to do with myself.  I still, at times, feel lost and not really apart of this world.  Every day is a struggle to do for myself and to get back to being a person with out and addict in their life.  It's like when someone gets out of prison and they have missed so much and they are so use to being in prison that they have a hard time fuctioning in the real world.  That's kind of like how I feel right now.  The main thing I try to do for myself everyday is go to the gym and run.  I am now seeing a counselor and trying to figure everything out.

I am so glad I found the daily strength website.  I joined on Sunday May 31 and already I feel so much better.  I feel like I have people to talk to who are going through the exact same thing as I am going through.  It feels good the talk about Kenny's addictions.  It's feels good to talk about how I need to focus on myself and not worry so much about him.   That is my goal, just to focus on getting a life back.  I feel like I haven't really had a life since I've been with kenny.  I miss being around people and socializing.  I miss not having drama in my life and I went out  and found the worst kind of drama out there.  All I have to say is I'm glad I'm not the one with a drug addiction.