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Alison868 
4:12pm, November 5, 2009
Wow, it has been way too long since I journaled on here, and I am feeling the need to do so. Actually I am forcing myself to journal and reach out to my DS friends. This week has been hard grief-wise with so much sadness, regrets, anger, and frustration. Most days I have periods of time where I feel like I can not summon an ounce of energy to get things done, but I force myself to do them anyway. Several people know how busy I stay and about my home projects, yet they would never know what a struggle it is sometimes to complete tasks. Yesterday I allowed myself to do nothing and I became a zombie most of the day in front of the tv. I am just so exhausted thinking about my husband every single day....all that will never be, how he abandoned us. We will be moving at some point next year, but more and more there are days when I want to flee from this town and this home where there are so many negative memories. I never wanted to move here. I want to be in a home where there are no memories of him. It's funny how sometimes I can't wait to get back to this home like it's a refuge, and other times I feel like this place is my prison. My heart aches every day for my daughter who will never have her father again. It's so wrong. I pray the sun will come out soon...all this rain and dreariness is not helping.
Comments
I am so sorry that you are struggling lately. Try to think of it this way "this is just a moment in time, it is not the rest of my life". It is a helpful tool to get through each day. Start thinking of your move and making plans that way. . a moving on sort of thing. Good luck. Shirley
Shurfee
Thanks Shirley! There is no telling how many times I have told myself this terrible time is temporary. I'll have to keep on telling myself that. I think of my move every day and I am working on some projects around the house to prepare to put my house on the market next spring. If the rain would stop then my landscapers could get to work! I'm getting out of the house today to try to perk myself up. Hope you have a good day.
Alison868
I so feel your sadness and totally understand about the house. I am sure you had some good memories there as well, sadly it is always the bad one that prevail. Continue keeping busy and focussing on Ana. We have to be strong for our kids. Love you, big hugs. kim
madre1