Niffer64's Journal

Well, it's technically the 5th...just 12:15a.m. I've had sort of a mixed bag the past few days, fighting some kind of bug, feeling nauseated just a bit, truly exhausted, sweaty and uncomfortable but never any fever. I peeked under the bandage at my knee...to me it looks like one of the incisions is getting puffy, but my husband thought it was fine. At any rate, no angry red look to it, so will just keep the next appointment Monday unless it does get to looking/feeling worse tomorrow or if fever spikes.

So that's the not-so-good stuff, which I used as a reason not to do actual exercise. Here's the stuff I'm pretty glad about...I have still gotten some things done. Friday, I made the menu for the next two weeks, the grocery list, and took my son to help me with the shopping. I do use the stupid battery powered cart because I cannot walk very far or long, but still am feeling good about getting back to this very simple task. I started this at the end of May and am happy I've stuck with it. I've taken control back over what food is in the house, what kind of meals we have for dinner, what's available for myself for lunch. I've eliminated my excuses for running for fast food or ordering pizza, because there's always something available to cook. It's helping a lot.

Next, let me say or admit that I have been a horrible housekeeper for years and years. I've analyzed this, attributed it to different things, have deep down felt that really I'm just plain lazy, but what it comes to is that why I'm like this doesn't really matter.  In the end, my house has always been an embarrassment to me, my husband who works at least 50 hrs/week has stepped up and done some laundry, dishes, cooking...not fair to him, or the kids. Anyway, along with planning the meals, I've actually been doing the cooking. I've been doing a little more around the house, and the past few days I've polished the stove, cleaned the microwave, kept up the dishes, kept my table cleaned off. I know these are things most people just automatically do, wish I were one of them, but have to start somewhere. So, I'm glad that I've been able to achieve these simple improvements recently; it feels good, helps with self-esteem, which further motivates me to do a little more.

I started a new blog, just for the purpose of recording my progress with self-improvement goals of weightloss, activity increase, quitting smoking...with the tangible goal I think I mentioned here of doing some hiking in a couple years. I won't post on that blog really often, but hope it will serve the purpose of keeping focused on that challenge of hiking with my kids.

On food, I've eaten well for the most part since last journaling about it. Thursday my calories were close to 2500, still considerably less than I've eaten on any typical day in a long, long while. My goal is still simple...about a pound a week will be okay, can feel the old impatience creeping in sometimes (I want results!) but am talking myself through it, trying to stay realistic. I've changed my weigh-in day to Wednesdays, just because I plan to do the blog that day weekly.

Have not known what to do with those body measurements since taking them last week, so I guess now I'll just take a deep breath and write them here:

Chest: 52"

Waist: 53"

Hips:   59"

Ea. thigh: 29"

Rt. calf: 18"

Lft calf: don't know d/t bandage for knee

Ea. upper arm: 17"

Drs. Oz and Roizen advise women get their waist under or no more than 32", so I'm keeping that in mind...that's 21" which needs to come off right there. Insane. Not sure how often to take these measurements, so any advice would be welcome. I'm tempted to do it only quarterly, in order to see bigger results.

Now, a word about my 17 yr. old son. We've been through a lot, but the past couple years he's matured so well, so this problem while something to address is truly mild by comparison. Basically, he has fallen into the habit throughout every day of being sarcastic, rude, putting me down, ridiculing my comments or thoughts. Let me say, also every day he smiles, hugs me, gives high fives, talks about whatever interests him...so it's definitely not like every day/all day is miserable, just that I never know when I'm going to say something 'annoying'. Anyway, Friday night he crossed a line in my opinion. When I said something, he huffed off to his room and I didn't see him until morning. When the time seemed right, I told him we needed to talk. I kept calm, but said that every single one of us in this household has the absolute right to be comfortable and feel free to just be his/her self without worrying about ridicule. My son said, "It's just that some of what you say is really stupid". I said that kind of rudeness is unacceptable, that I'm saying it nicely today but be warned that future rudeness is not going to be tolerated. He said okay. This was a brief, 5 minute talk; I hate being brow-beaten, and try not to do it to other people. My oldest daughter, whom I talked with about this situation, said it well...we as a family have worked through so many really major issues with him, and now it's just time for some fine-tuning. I hope this works. I do get that a teen being rude is nothing out of the ordinary, that he's really just moving toward independence. But I do not believe I'm willing to continue living quietly in such an environment, always considering carefully what I say to him and how I say it because of his past issues and sensitivity, only to have him not feel obliged to show any consideration for me. Letting him continue this is not going to help him with future relationships.

Well anyway, that was a lot of stuff; It's going on 1am. I think I'll get some sleep soon.