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  SST (10/08/09)

  Don't know if it's true but it is funny!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
  
  
  
  Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
  
  
  
  
  Hi Sue,
  
  Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
  
  Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all
  Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
  
  As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
  So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature..
  It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
  
  Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
  What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water.. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
  
  Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
  
  The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
  
  When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
  
  I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
  
  Needless to say I aborted the dive.. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
  
  When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
  
  The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
  So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
  
  Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
  
  Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
  
  May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
  
  
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  SST (09/09/09)

  
  Importance of Walking
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ----- Walking can add minutes to your life.
  This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
  
  
  
  My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
  Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.
  
  
  The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
  
  I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.
  Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
  
  
  I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
  
  
  I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
  
  I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
  
  
  The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
  
  
  If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
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  SST (08/29/09)

  A little old lady was walking down the street dragging
  two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
  One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a
  $ 20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
  
  Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says,
  "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag."
  "Oh, really ? Darn !" said the little old lady.
  "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them.
  Thanks for telling me."
  
  "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop.
  "How did you get all that money ?
  You didn't steal it, did you ?"
  "Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my
  back yard is right next to the football stadium
  parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come
  and pee through the fence into my flower garden.
  So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers.
  Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence,
  I grab it and say : '20 dollar or off it comes'.
  "Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop.
  "OK. Good luck ! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag ?"
  "Well, you know....." "not everybody pays......."
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  Flowers
  

  valerieL (08/25/09)

  I hope all is well with you...take care.
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  Gold Star
  

  missina (08/20/09)

  woo hoo! a gold star for you girl! Family + Food is the hardest thing to get through (at least for me!) Great job on getting through it with flying colors. Also, the remembering your brother I'm sure brings up alot of feelings and not using that as an excuse to eat is absolutely wonderful.
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  Gold Star
  

  missina (08/20/09)

  woo hoo! a gold star for you girl! Family + Food is the hardest thing to get through (at least for me!) Great job on getting through it with flying colors. Also, the remembering your brother I'm sure brings up alot of feelings and not using that as an excuse to eat is absolutely wonderful.
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  missina (08/18/09)

  Thank you. I sent the same message to several friends and you are the only one that responded.
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  missina (08/17/09)

  Thank you for the comments. I feel kind of stupid sending out that message now, but I do need the encouragement. I appreciate you response.
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  Good Luck
  

  FranKatzenjammer (08/17/09)

  I was reading a couple of your posts in the obesity support group, and I want to say that I admire your determination. This vid made me cry, I hope it gives you inspiration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9X...
  I know your kids will one day see their mom healthy, and very, very happy.
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  SST (08/04/09)

  Oh, Dear...
  I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
  needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts
  with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint
  and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod

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