pastxcurfew's Journal

so, i'm falling for her.

i'm falling for her

and

it feels

so much 

different

than how i fell for lizzie.

i loved loving lizzie because i wanted to repay her for giving me the emotional comfort i was recieving in just BEING in a relationship. sure, i loved her..but i loved loving her more. lizzie loved me..but didn't love loving me. that hurt..at least on my part. 

but anyway,

this girl

is so beautiful and talented..

all i want to do is to hug her, hold her, kiss her.

i would treat her so well. 

i can easily  love her..so easily. but of course i have to hold back. this is too risky.

my heart feels full and warm. 

so..i can't say i'm just feeling okay.

i'm feeling good. i like saying that and meaning it :)

yesterday she accidentally said "love you" and i tried playing it off so she wouldn't be embarrassed. but in the back of both of our minds, i know we're thinking "..would it be possible for us?" i know it, i can feel it.

last night i talked for an hour on the phone with haley. haha, i hope she wasn't getting too tired. i'm glad that we're being friends again. i think all of us just need a friend to get through the shit. that's another reason i'm feeling good. i have another person here for support. i don't always have alex for support; actually we're fighting now, but that's okay..alex sometimes doesn't understand the great depths of losing a person and how it affected me. she could just do the simplest things like not have my ex's girlfriend as a facebook friend (she doesn't even know her) the simplest things, the simplest things. but yeah, i have haley, i can talk to alexandra, obviously my therapist, andrew, liz even :) 

so, things are good..and i'm good.