Journal

I just got a call back from my message and I have a therapist appointment for Friday, August 7th.  After a couple therapist appointments they will assign a psychiatrist to you.  So I will be saying goodbye to group and another chapter in my life. :)

The other thing I realized is that financially I could live without Brian.  I did some quick calculations and it should not be a problem AT ALL.  So if these little ridiculous things continue I do not even have to think about the financial repercussions of such a decision.

I called my partner on the way to group and asked if he could perhaps save the photography for another day and I would just stop-in group and we might actually get some early talk time in.  He said he didn't want to talk, and he wanted to have the day to himself.  He felt he had made that clear when he took the camera with him.  I asked for how long and he said he didn't know. 

I proceeded to go off on him and tell him I did not understand him getting a day off after what he had dumped on my lap last evening.  He told me he simply needed it and needed out of the apartment and time to think.  He said it was not about our relationship.  Such bullshit.

I went home.  I stopped at my parents.  They of course want me to kick him to the curb.  They are looking at me hurting.  The meds dull the pain but I am in an excruciating amount right now.  I have left him several messages now in logical tone just telling him that at some point I would like to talk and going into a bit of last evening as well.  I won't call anymore.  Who knows if he'll even listen to them?  Who knows if he'll get a hotel and even be back at all tonight?  I don't know.

I cleaned the dishes, did a load of laundry and have one in the dryer, cleaned the bathroom and have the trash ready to go down when I do.

I told my parents I needed some additional time to myself.  They will have the kids make meatballs with them and invite me down for dinner around 5:30, so that should work out well.  

I called three places off the medical assistance card for psychiatrists so I can quit group.  Two aren't accepting and one I had to leave a message for.  I guess I will continue to dig.  

Do you try to continue something with someone like this or who has said these things?  Is there any possible way it was a bad moment??

Woke late, on the floor where I slept.  I had an errand to run almost immediately.  Upon my return I made the children their lunch, he helped carry in bags, and said he had to go. 

He loaded his photography things and said he would be taking pictures after his jobs today and had no idea when he would return.  I told him I would not call him.  He said I could if I wanted to.  I said whatever.  I said goodbye.

I will take the kids to my mother's shortly.  I will go over to group and speak to one counselor to inform them all of this and leave.  I will come home and figure out how I want to spend the next couple hours.  I assume I will still need to pick up the kids before I see him, and probably have dinner as well.

I hate him right now.  I feel so broken hearted.