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prachelle 
10:28pm, November 13, 2009
HOME -- I have to take them out of that home. I left him and let him stay there. He has to leave. He can't keep it and make me a nomad.
I'm going to tell him I get the house from Monday to Friday because he's been there most of the time. He'll have to find a place to stay and take his work clothes with him. Tough shit.
BOYS -- I get them all week because he's at work. He'll have to visit them in the evenings. And, they get to stay in the house since he thinks it so important for them to be home.
CONTACT -- I have to minimize contact. Perhaps limit it to email because i need a paper record. He's already judging what I do and what I tell him. Dante says he MADE ME BREAKFAST for when I picked up the boys. MANIPULATOR.
MONEY -- I have to make sure I have access. I have to tell ihm that I'm using a credit card because I don't have cash. And, the credit card gives a record of what I'm doing.
I'm so scared of the subtle manipulation.
Comments
Prach...here was my experience. Pd tried to be nice, as much as he is able, which isn't much, when first I left. He invited me to go places with he and my son, which I did, so I could see my son. He invited me over, told me i was still welcome there as it was my house. Hi behavior tho, never changed. And when he figured out that I was not going to come running back, he stopped the nice act and became incredibly mean. You need a court date, you need to get him ordered out of the house. You need to be in the house with your boys for their sake. I think this has to be your focus....
Chances are when it comes to him actually thinking he WILL have to move out of his house, and be sure he thinks it's his, he will not be making breakfast for you. He will be working the boys over, and the courts, and schmoozing them, trying to make himself out to be the poor guy whose wife left him, and now callously wants him out of the house...
If you think I might be right, then you need to come up with responses before hand. You need to make the people who need to know, find out who he is, right at the beginning. At least he is not trying, yet, to keep the boys when they stay with him. And maybe his situation doesn't allow it. My son was older, didn't require a full-time stay at home parent when I left. And my ex barely ever worked anyway.
The subtle manipulation is hard. It's like I told my son's dr, "Whenever he says ANYTHING, first assume it's a lie." Then, it's somewhat easier to figure out what he's going for. When i tried to get him to do email only, he said his computer was broken down. Then he started refusing to answer the phones, then he bought he and son new cell phones, .... you get the idea. Expect anything. Lately he has had me faxing things to him. I would expect that the fax will be broken soon, LOL, when he gets faxes he doesn't want.
YOu have to be on the edge of your game, your eyes and ears open, and you will get through this. Hugs.....
hockeymom5592
great advice hockey, i'm using it too. hang in there prach!!!!!
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