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TimBlodgett 
So my second trip to the hospital. This time was the ultimate in refreshing. I admitted myself this time so I also chose to stay a little later to prevent a relapse like last time.
My psychiatrist and I really connected during my stay and he really worked closely with me to help me get some control over the psychosis.
He perscribed me ativan for my anxiety and decided to increase my zeldox up to the maximum dosage and we will try to take it down once I am stable.
Sorry for neglecting everyone on here though. I'll do my best to follow up with my friends and see how they have been.
http://www.schizophrenia.com:8080/jiveforums/thread.jspa?threadID=18885&tstart=0
Am I glad Im schizophrenic.The question posed made me wonder.
Schizophrenia. Is it secretly some sort of blessing I fail to see.
Im not happy to be schizophrenic. I feel like I have some force controlling my life that is preventing me from living the life I could be living. Its a pretty horrible feeling. Its got me pretty down.
Comments
Well, I had a rough go this past month. About the 12th I had to make the decision to go into the hospital. The voices became taunting, and edged me on to kill myself. For my own safety I had to go somewhere where I would be safe.
I was medicated and for the first time, restrained in the hospital. My psych wasn't impressed with the restraints when he came in to see me, but helped me understand it was so I couldnt hurt myself.
I spent 15 days in the hospital this time. Not a long visit by any means but long enough to develop a routine. Talking to the nurses and the ward staff, speaking to other patients and going about my daily business.
However coming out I feel like my comfortable world has been flipped upside down. Now I cant seem to readjust to my old routine. Figures.
UPDATED GOALS
Get control of my illness
Progress 5%
Encouragements: 0
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God that is hell. :hugs: I know about the taunting voices. I was lucky mine are 100% controlled by my meds & haven't came back since. I am scared to death though if they come back. I will never ever go off meds because of this.
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Sorry I kind of appeared out of nowhere - I found you from the schz board and looked at your profile and found this entry & wanted to respond. Hope you don't mind. I don't think we ever get over things like this, or maybe it just takes a long time. When mine happened in December I am still not over it. It leaves its marks. We learn to move on, but the memory is still there, y'know? I don't know many who understand this or where I am coming from. It will get easier. Just gotta keep your chin up & know you are a fighter.
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| May 2009 |
Thursday, 5/28
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:hugs:
As long as your meds have your symptoms under control, can you be happy for that? Not saying you aren't - just trying to kind of lift your mood a lil. It does suck, lifelong mental illnesses of any kind suck big time in my book. I hate having to take a total of 10 pills a day for mental illness period. I think if someone had schizophrenia where they actually liked getting lost in their thoughts and were friends with their voices (there are some out there - lucky them) then sure, maybe they would be happy... but really kind of an odd question, y'know?
amalzahir
The problem is my meds dont have my symptoms under control. I've been on zyprexa, resperidal, and now zeldox and I still suffer from psychosis. My psychiatrist thinks I have a natural resistance to the meds. Yay me :) /end sarcasm. I dont know why I just feel trapped in this illness. Maybe thats just me though.
TimBlodgett
Oh that would make it really hard. Have you thought about/read about Clozaril? It is pretty hardcore as far as antipsychotics are concerned, it is an atypical. They have to monitor you very closely on that one, but it may be worth it since you have issues with responding to the drugs. Lots of people who I have ran into just love it who also have issues similar like you. Personally I have huge issues with really really severe akathisia on most antipsychotics, so I am stuck with Seroquel & Risperdal (but Risperdal with cogentin) as it is like the only ones I can tolerate, and luckily I respond well - but I would only be a schizoaffective bipolar type and we have a better overall prognosis, or so they say. But yea - maybe mention Clozaril/Clozapine - here is their site:clozaril.com/index.jsp" title="http://www.clozaril.com/index.jsp" target="_blank"> http://www.clozaril.com/index.jsp - oh you are in Canada - here is a site from Canada: http://health.lifestyle.yahoo.ca/d... I have heard of people raving about it and really like it getting rid of 100% of symptoms for some. It may be worth looking into (I think I am repeating myself)
amalzahir
Oh and without relief I can totally understand why you would feel trapped - it is like it owns you in a way. :hugs: I hope hope hope you can find a med or med combo that can help.
amalzahir
Oh and the only downside I know of with Clozapine is that there is a tendency with weight gain (like with most antipsychotics, blah) and this:
Lab tests must be performed regularly (usually weekly or every two weeks) in order to monitor the effect of the drug on the number of white blood cells. Weekly lab tests should also continue for 4 weeks after the medication is stopped.
It is because of some rare side effect that can happen, just to be safe. From my research (I was kind of a nerd researching antipsychotics, the atypicals because of my akathisia problem) this one has an incredibly lower rate of movement disorders and can actually be used as a cure for some of them - I forget why exactly
amalzahir
Thanks for the info on clozapine. I emailed my pdoc the link you gave me, and linked him back to my journal so he could see your comments too. It was just easier than repeating what you have already said. I might need to go on a new type of drug, as Im on 160mg of zeldox and not seeing a grand improvement. Just one more thing to stress I suppose. Thanks for all your help though. It means alot to me. :)
TimBlodgett