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OxyAnnie 
7:18am, June 2, 2009
This has been a very long day even though I took two naps and initially went to bed early. I'm wide awake here now in the middle of the night but it's been so nice to come here and find support. Having smoked for so many years and learning to do just about everything with a cigarette in my hand or in an ashtray nearby, everything has the potential to be a trigger for me. I'm finding few distractions. On the contrary, things that I previously ... (was previously just yesterday?) ... enjoyed doing have been difficult because of my lack of concentration. There are things I could have done today that I didn't and I didn't stick to my plan when it came to exercise and routine but I'm here tonight to reflect, take notes, and plan for tomorrow.
Another thing I didn't do, interestingly enough, is tell my husband that today was going to be my Quit Day. He is normally very supportive of anything I do but he's also one of those people who can smoke or not without quitting ever being an issue. He doesn't really understand the addiction and I guess subconsciously I was trying to protect myself from any disappointment if I didn't succeed. What I was thinking was that I'd just wait until he noticed. Unfortunately, what he noticed was that I was out of cigarettes and he came home tonight with a fresh new carton.
::sigh:: Oh well, we live and learn. 
And tomorrow is Day Two!
Comments
Courage and confidence are fading fast tonight but I'll be here early tomorrow morning looking for a hand to hold. I've read Allen Carr's book, all the Good Posts and several journal entries. I'm not sure that I've been able to completely change my attitude but I'm as ready as I can be to begin this quit and I am excited about being a non-smoker so I will not back down from my stated quit date ... June 1, 2009. I am initially going to try to do this cold turkey because I know the sooner the nicotine leaves my body the better off I will be but I do have patches on hand "just in case" ... I will use them to protect my quit if I have to ... and I have plenty of Dum-Dum Pops on hand as well. I've started a low impact exercise routine and, since I need to do four nebulizer treatments a day at the moment, I'm hoping to direct my focus and structure my day around those things. My Quit Meter is set and my goal is NOPE.
For health reasons it has become absolutely crucial that I quit smoking. I have foolishly continued this filthy habit in denial of the toll its been taking on my body and now to quit or not to quit is simply a life or death decision for me. I have COPD and Congestive Heart Failure ... why I ever thought smoking cigarettes was helping me face up to that can only be explained by saying that I was brainwashing myself. I have a wonderful family ... a husband, three adult children, and six grandkids ... and, at this point, no time to waste in beating myself up. I just want to be able to breathe easier and spend every minute I can enjoying life with my family and friends.
The cost of cigarettes has sky-rocketed. In these days of economic uncertainty we are actually grateful to be living on a fixed income but we need to budget carefully in order to be able to share with those less fortunate .... money spent on cigarettes is such a waste!
I'm also very tired of trying to pretend I don't smoke ... well, of course I know the whole world can tell but I go around with my oxygen trying to make everyone think it's just a new accessory I've become attached to. How stupid! That's all just part of the denial. Would people really think less of me if I just hung a sign around my neck that said "look what I've done to myself?" Truth is, I've just been living a lie ... time to be honest with myself and others as well.
I want to be all that I can be and do all that I can do for as long as I can.
Comments
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Darn system doesnt want to add my comment so I have to be quick before them come looking again..lol.
Great work OxyAnnie...you picked your quit date. It is a little daunting but then quitting smoking is a huge thing. You should take is seriously. Have your ideas of how to distract yourself..a few things to chew on..(fresh fruit, pretsels, some reading or puzzles; whatever you like to do...but remember smoking is NOT an option...absolutely ..no way! Good luck hon and dont deny yourself a nap or two as I needed many during the first week. You can do this with help on here (DS) and whatever other help you may need there..patch worked for me the first week..and then I took it off. You can be a nonsmoker too....it gets much easier I swear. Im at 195 days smoke free...who'd a thought!!! Good luck and come here often!
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You have plenty of courage. The confidence can build with each crave you resist. Congratulate yourself. Be proud!
Remember, the less you dwell upon each crave, the quicker they will leave. Ignore them as much as possible, distract yourself, dum dum em, snack, sleep, sleep, sleep. After 3 days, the nicotine will be out of your system. Then you will have only what I call psycho-craves to deal with. One crave at a time...NOPE! YOU are going to be a PROUD non-smoker. We are here to help, and we are cheering for YOU!
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I'm on day 3 Annie. I'm there with you! We can do it! You have my prayers.
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I hope you stay focused on your goal- FREEDOM. All it really takes to be a nonsmoker is the firm committment to never lite another cigareet or smkoke one again. Keep that in your head at all times and you will succeed. I know the first week or two is hard- just remember as Alan Carr says- "You are giving nothing up- you are gaining your freedom at last"- I smoked a long time too and I know its scary to think of not smoking again- but after awhile it really does get easier- and yoiur breathing will improve. Good luck
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Hi Annie, for the life of me I can't understand how you could still smoke and be on Oxygen, I choke just thinking about it. COPD gets worse not better, so I am very glad to hear you have set a quit date. I hope I can help you get through this, if you need to talk feel free to message me at any time. Have you been on Steroids yet? If not please quit before you get to that point. Bless you my Dear, I know what your going through.
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Welcome to the quitter's club where everyone is encouraged to be a quitter... It's the only club around that pats our members on the back & congratulates them for remaining a quitter for another day... (no we really don't have a club, just feels like it)
Congrats on your decision & commitment to quit... As you are, I'm sure by now, aware, this is not an easy road, but a road well worth the strength it takes... Just remember, you do have us to offer you support... the entire quitter's club...
Take care of yourself & rest, drink water, nap, rest, drink water, nap, rest, nap, drink water, and did I say nap? ~CJ~
Congrats on making it through day 1. Sending you a hug and pat on the back to help you through day 2, 3, and more!
mel1959
congratulations your doing really well. just take it hour by hour if you have to. i thought i would be rushing around cleaning etc for the first few days but no.....i have had disturbed sleep though but its better than smoking..
happychix
You are off to a running start.......... Yippee! Us addicts have to stick together. Here are some ideas to keep hands/mouth busy. A smooth stone to rub; sucking on a straw (chew it when angry), puzzles (any kind). I play Gameboy DS, knit, suck
on straws, do Sudoku puzzles; play solataire.
Anything to keep busy. Good luck!!
nwbluebird2
What an irony on the carton! You sent him right back to the store to return them, right?
STLBrian