Journal

Hi Bill. . . you seem to be doing as well as can be expected. just enjoy life and be good to yourself. Shirley

Bill, The feelings you are experiencing tend to be normal. There is a new normal life style that you will eventually settle into and the deep sadness will dissipate as time passes. You will still miss her that's for sure but it will ease - I promise - as time passes.
This year I am teaching a Grief share class in church but it is open to anyone in town. First, if you need to ask me anything, please do not hesitate and second, I would suggest that you see if you can locate where a Griefshare class is taught near you. If you want, I have access to all churches and organizations that offer it, so if you want I can find out the nearest facility to you. Just let me know. I promise it will be a big help.
Ernie

When our baby died, I was so horribly mad at the LORD (I too thought I was above that) that I figured I lost my faith too and I was really at the lowest point in my life. Finally, after wallowing for awhile, a good friend asked me one day how I was. Well, it's a good thing he was a good friend because I let him have it....I ranted and raved at him because of how mad I was at God! He just simply stood there (we were in the dairy section of the grocery store) and listened until I was spent. His words were the start of my healing. He said, "You haven't lost your faith. You can't possibly be that mad at someone or something and not believe in them. Secondly, He's a really big God. He's our Abba (daddy in Hebrew). He can take it."
I hope this may be of help to you as well. It really is ok to be mad at the LORD. He understands and He will listen whenever you want to talk.
Blessings to you,
Janet

Hang in there Bill. You do not spend a life time with someone and stop missing them in six months. the book that helped me was through a season of Grief. It it explains the steps of grief, I think there are five, it seems like you have went through three and headed for the fourth. You may not feel like praying but God can hear what is in your Heart. God will never leave you.
Christine
Phil 4:13

Here is something that helps me when I am down. I don't know if it has been posted on here before but here it is.

AND GOD SAID...."

I said, "God, I hurt."
And God said, I know."

I said, "God, I cry a lot."
And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."

I said, "God, I am so depressed."
And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."

I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."

I said, "God, my loved one died."
And God said, "So did mine."

I said, "God, it is such a loss."
And God said, I saw mine nailed to a cross."

I said, "God, but your loved one lives."
And God said, "So does yours."

I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said, "Mine is on My right and yours is in the Light."

I said, "God, it hurts."
And God said, I know."

Posted on the wall at the
Oklahoma City bombing site
by K. C. and Myke Kuzmic
Stockton, CA

Bill - fishing sounds like as good a plan as any for right now. The single thing? Well, every marriage is a compromise, on everything from decor to food. Doing when I want, when I want, in my own home is, yes, something I've gotten used to doing. In fact, I feel it's necessary for me to have a place where it's just about me. But there's no roadmap for the sadness. I tough it out, and then there's times, like today, when I come home and want to do NOTHING. I'll join you in thought tonite when you have your scotch, and I have my wine - Hugs, Marsha

Hi Bill, You sound like you are doing okay.Claire would be happy that you were able to get to this point. Robert passed away 7 months ago today.I am almost finsihed with organizing my house. You are probably all moved out by now. I wish you well. Keep on doing what you are doing.

hey bill, i am stayin put here, dont know if it is helping or hurting, but i just cant get up and leave, not after 24 years, and raising both our kids here, in this house,, sometimes, i cant stand to be here, and when i am away, all i want to do is be at home, its crazy,..not to mention, the house is almost paid for, and i probley cant sell it for anything deceient right now, so i have decided to stay put. i have organized the house some, but i havent even touched her closet, or dressers ill get to it,..hope you are feeling better, your friend, dave

One day at a time is all we have and what's around the corner can be exciting or scarey. Breathe deep and close your eyes. Try to envision what you want around the corner. It helps me. Sharon

You have undertaken a great deal and can congratulate yourself on seeing things through. It is only natural to have mixed feelings about your move but your darling Claire is with you in spirit and I know she is smiling down on you with love. Take care and good luck. Margaret

Bill. . it will all be fine. Claire is with you in your heart not in alot of stuff. Good luck in your new place. Shirley

Just wanted to jump in, Bill. I'm sure it was hard and heart wrenching to sell/give away the things that Claire had chosen. I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff, too. In the beginning I couldn't thrown anything out. Even Joe's (ex truck driver) old CB's that didn't work anymore! But it came to me that the memories associated with these things are in my heart - not so much the actual physical things. One day at a time, my brave friend - Hugs, Marsha

Marsha is right, one day at a time.

Christine

Marsha is right, one day at a time.

Christine

I am there with you, the in between getting sick does get just a little farther apart and not quite as severe. Praying for you.
Christine

The rides that go round and round still make me sick!! lol Oh, Bill, it is such a terrible ride -- the one that we are on. This first year, that you are in now, is so hard! I'm not going to say it isn't. The 2nd one, for me, hasn't been a 'fun time' either. But, as I have told you before, and others, and as Christine said -- the times do get farther apart -- as we move along in this grief business, and become a little less severe -- as the months march along. That probably isn't very comforting, but it is how it is. I've been in the downward mode of the "rollercoaster" lately, but, am hoping to begin the climb back up the rails of time soon, although those rails do get slippery at times. God Bless and keep you. HE is the main comfort in any of the stages, especially, when we feel the lowest and do not think HE is there. That's when HE is carrying us. Joely

Bill, Joely is right - the year is so hard. I guess we use the roller coaster analogy as we all seem to go up then down then up then down etc. Christine is right the in between getting sick does get farther apart. No matter what the ride, it is one that we all want to get off and never ride again. "May the Lord bless you and keep you: May the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you: May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace."

Bill - I don't think I've ever heard the grief journey expressed quite this way! But it makes a lot of sense, especially the getting sick part. My experience is like the others' - sometimes I don't feel like it's any different, but when I compare how I feel now to how I felt a year ago, it is different indeed. The missing Joe and grieving him is with me always - but other parts of myself have emerged alongside, parts I wasn't sure were there anymore. Hang in there - hugs, marsha